As a little girl I always said I wanted at least six kids, so In Oct. we were delighted to find out we were expecting our sixth child. We had our first ultrasound in Nov. and discovered our little peanut was 12 weeks along. Everything looked good and we rejoiced. I went for 3D ultrasound at 18 weeks and we found out we were having a baby boy. We were delighted and looked forward to experiencing two little boys just 15 months apart, our big boys rejoiced when we gave them the news.
I got very sick that next week and at 19 weeks I went to the Dr. for a check-up. To our shock they could not find the baby's heartbeat. We rushed to the ER and they confirmed our worst fears, that our sweet boy was already in heaven. Heartbroken we went to tell our kids "their" baby was in heaven. The only comfort I felt was thinking of my little boy with His Papa and Papaw in heaven.
The next day we went to the hospital to deliver our baby. I knew this time my experience would be far different, although I had done it five times already. I would not be coming home with a baby, but a broken heart. My Mother and Sister-in-law joined my husband and myself to say hello, and goodbye, all at the same time. Jonathan Anthony was born at 7:40pm on Jan 24th 2012, a day that will surly change me forever. I was so afraid to look at him, to see the toll death had taken on his tiny body. The moment I gathered him into my arms, maternal love and protection flooded my heart.We kept him with us the rest of his birthday. We held him, loved him, talked to him, prayed over him. We said goodbye a little past midnight. I began to panic with sorrow and fear, then I felt the peace that surpasses understanding, and I knew Jesus was there with us. Many times over the next week I would say I don't "feel" Jesus, yet I know that he was the one caring me through, and he carries me now.
I can't believe that it has been three weeks, it seems like yesterday we held him. I still forget I am not pregnant, and that our little boy will not be born in the spring. At moments I think I will not make it through this, then I am comforted by my Jesus. I am so thankful for precious family and friends that call or come by to encourage me. I have an incredible need to talk about Jonathan, to let people know he was here and he was so loved. When someone has a baby they bring him home and rejoice over him, well I hope I can use this blog to rejoice over my Angel Baby. This is a place I want to keep my memories, and talk about the miracles that have and will come from Jonathan's life.