Tuesday, February 21, 2012

MIDNIGHT MOURNING

Lamentations 3: 49-50
49 My eyes will flow unceasingly, 
without relief, 
50 until the LORD looks down 
from heaven and sees.


How do you mourn with five active homeschooling children?
....at midnight. 
Seriously, I have not sleep well since Jonathan went to heaven. I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour but I just lay there and cry, so I have decided my time is better spent up. Although my vanity would disagree,( you would not believe the dark circles I have acquired). So what am I doing in the late night hours, occasionally wee morning hours? Mostly I pray, read, work on photos, or work on this blog. Frequently I just lay on the couch and think of Jonathan. I have his blanket from the hospital, I hold it and consider him. Sometimes I remember his delicate little body, and sometimes I envision him as a blissful little boy in heaven.


Will it endlessly hurt like this? 
Will this sorrow release its grip on my heart?
Will I ever feel complete again?

Despite having all of these emotions my grief is not without HOPE, I do have assurance of heaven and seeing Jonathan again. How my heart breaks for the mourning mommies that do not have Jesus, and the comfort he brings. I know that in my darkest hour he is with me, never leaving or forsaking me. Jesus is not intimidated by my mourning, he knew it would come. He can handle the frankness of my feelings. He also is intimately acquainted with suffering. He dose not scold or rebuke me for my lack of faith, He loves me and weeps with me. He even promised one day my mourning will end. 

Mathew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

1 comment:

Leslie said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog today Tesha. I'm so sorry for your loss. Those months after I miscarried our little one, I cried every morning in the shower. I didn't want my other children to see me so upset and figured the water would wash away my tear stains and red eyes. You're right, I don't know how other moms do this without Jesus.

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