It has been a difficult few days Joseph is very sick and we were at doctor appointments all day Friday. Unfortunately we ended up in the emergency room Friday night because Joseph breathing was so bad and his fever was very high. They gave him a breathing treatment and antibiotics, yet he still seems very sick. He is not at all his usual playful self. I laid awake most of last night listening to him breath. I thought Lord, I could not bear to loose another.
I have been in a state of tiredness that makes me feel slightly delirious. My mind seems to be my enemy causing me to think, I will not make it through this trial. The total sleep deprivation does not help. Fear threatens to creep in to my mind playing tricks on me. Lies from the enemy tell me Jonathan died, maybe God will take Joseph to, or one of my other precious children. In my soul I know that Jesus is not like this. I am thankful I know, and believe what the Bible says..... Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." I believe this with all of my heart and soul. It's my mind that sometimes has trouble. I lean on Scriptures, I say them out loud and to myself, I have my children read them to me. I write them on note card and post them around my house. I know I need constant reminders of the truth of Gods word.
He knew my mind would give me this trouble, and gave me an answer for the struggle.... 2 Corinthians 10:5 says Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. I am so thankful that I have many scriptures memorized, and Jesus can bring them to my mind the moment a bad thoughts creeps in. "Oh Lord help me to be obedient and take those negative thoughts captive, to not toy with them and let them plant their ugly roots" I want to be quick to cast them down and replace them with the truth from the word of God. Even when I FEEL like I can not go on, I know my Jesus if faithful. He has carried me always and he will continue to hold me in his hand, he will never leave me nor forsake me.
I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.My eyes grow weak with sorrow; Psalm 6:6-7
"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with
singing." Zp. 3:17