I have been putting off cleaning out my top bathroom drawer for a few months, every time I open it I sigh and think.... what a mess, I really need to do something about that. Then I close the drawer and go on my way, a little while later I will need something that might, possibly be in that mess and have to open it again. BIG SIGH, I hate opening that drawer it shouts at me, "your an unorganized mess". How does it get so messy? Well it starts as an empty drawer, then I put in things I need. Next I think I need more stuff so I put in more....now there is to much stuff and it starts getting jumbled up. Sometimes one of the kids will pull it out and it'll crash to the ground and I will carelessly throw the mess back in the drawer until I have time to fix it properly. Then some real junk will come along and I will not know what to do with it so, I will stuff it in there. The end product of all of this is a BIG mess that I keep saying I will clean out but never take the time to do it.
The problem is that often times that drawer is a picture of my heart. It starts out clean then I put in things I need. Then I will come across some stuff I want and shove it in there too, it starts getting full and jumbled. Then some big accident or tragedy strikes and all the stuff in my heart get flipped and thrown all over the place. Many times like my junk drawer, it ends up spilling out and making a mess. I shove it back in trying to hide all the chaos. I collect junk and put it in my heart, for example I think... I better remember that so I will not get hurt again...and the junk starts piling up. I should of never kept those hurts in my heart, I should of thrown them out right when they come in. Sometimes the junk is things that I think are beneficial but are really just more stuff and to much stuff, make's for a mess. My heart can only hold so much, I have to guard what I put in there. I know that my heart needs to be attended to, I know that there is a mess in there but it can seem overwhelming. Just like that drawer the mess just builds and builds and the clean up becomes a more daunting task.
Well yesterday day I cleaned out that messy drawer, and started cleaning out my heart as well. Most of my life as a Christian I have woken up at 6am to pray, this gives me time before the kids get out of bed to read my bible and really dive deep into prayer. I have not had my 6am time since Jonathan went to Heaven. I have insomnia and do not sleep well most nights, so 6am comes really quick if you go to bed between one and three. My husband keeps encouraging me, maybe getting up at 6am will help my insomnia. I just keep telling him, "I can not do it", besides I still pray everyday, and read a passage or two from the bible. It is kind of like I move the junk around in the drawer trying to make it look a little better, but there is still a big mess that needs to be dealt with.
So at 6 am, Ok really 6:20 yesterday morning, I also started dealing with the junk in my heart. I know that It needs a good deep cleaning. I did with my heart the same thing I did with that drawer, I poured it out. Yep I flipped that junk on the ground and promised myself and my Savior I would only put back in what was needed. I put the trash where it belongs, in the trash and analyzed what I should keep and what was just taking up space. God is so good and gracious he does not say I can't believe the mess you made of your self. No Jesus is tender, patient and gentle with me.
My drawer is looking better and so is my heart. Here is the important thing, It will take constant maintenance to maintain and keep the junk out. Everyday things will pop up that I don't know what to do with. I have to make the choice, will I throw out the useless trash or will I stuff it away to deal with later? I want my heart to be clean and useful. That junk drawer really served no purpose except to collect more junk. I did everything I could to avoid it. I think my heart is the same way, it is not very useful when it is filled with junk and people do not want to be near it.
So I will do my best to maintain my drawer and my heart. I know that it is worth it to have a heart that is clean and serves it's purpose. To love people and glorify God.
Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
linking with Making you home sing Monday