Thursday, May 10, 2012

Confessions of a Pastors Wife (2).................. MY JUNK DRAWER

I have been putting off cleaning out my top bathroom drawer for a few months, every time I open it I sigh and think.... what a mess, I really need to do something about that. Then I close the drawer and go on my way, a little while later I will need something that might, possibly be in that mess and have to open it again. BIG SIGH, I hate opening that drawer it shouts at me, "your an unorganized mess". How does it get so messy? Well it starts as an empty drawer, then I put in things I need. Next I think I need more stuff so I put in more....now there is to much stuff and it starts getting jumbled up. Sometimes one of the kids will pull it out and it'll crash to the ground and I will carelessly throw the mess back in the drawer until I have time to fix it properly. Then some real junk will come along and I will not know what to do with it so, I will stuff it in there. The end product of all of this is a BIG mess that I keep saying I will clean out but never take the time to do it.



The problem is that often times that drawer is a picture of my heart. It starts out clean then I put in things I need. Then I will come across some stuff I want and shove it in there too, it starts getting full and jumbled. Then some big accident or tragedy strikes and all the stuff in my heart get flipped and thrown all over the place. Many times like my junk drawer, it ends up spilling out and making a mess. I shove it back in trying to hide all the chaos. I collect junk and put it in my heart, for example I think... I better remember that so I will not get hurt again...and the junk starts piling up. I should of never kept those hurts in my heart, I should of thrown them out right when they come in. Sometimes the junk is things that I think are beneficial but are really just more stuff and to much stuff, make's for a mess. My heart can only hold so much, I have to guard what I put in there. I know that my heart needs to be attended to, I know that there is a mess in there but it can seem overwhelming. Just like that drawer the mess just builds and builds and the clean up becomes a more daunting task.


Well yesterday day I cleaned out that messy drawer, and started cleaning out my heart as well.  Most of my life as a Christian I have woken up at 6am to pray, this gives me time before the kids get out of bed to read my bible and really dive deep into prayer. I have not had my 6am time since Jonathan went to Heaven. I have insomnia and do not sleep well most nights, so 6am comes really quick if you go to bed between one and three. My husband keeps encouraging me, maybe getting up at 6am will help my insomnia. I just keep telling him, "I can not do it", besides I still pray everyday, and read a passage or two from the bible. It is kind of like I move the junk around in the drawer trying to make it look a little better, but there is still a big mess that needs to be dealt with.

So at 6 am, Ok really 6:20 yesterday morning, I also started dealing with the junk in my heart. I know that It needs a good deep cleaning. I did with my heart the same thing I did with that drawer, I poured it out. Yep I flipped that junk on the ground and promised myself and my Savior I would only put back in what was needed. I put the trash where it belongs, in the trash and analyzed what I should keep and what was just taking up space. God is so good and gracious he does not say I can't believe the mess you made of your self. No Jesus is tender, patient and gentle with me. 

My drawer is looking better and so is my heart. Here is the important thing, It will take constant maintenance to maintain and keep the junk out. Everyday things will pop up that I don't know what to do with. I have to make the choice, will I throw out the useless trash or will I stuff it away to deal with later?  I want my heart to be clean and useful. That junk drawer really served no purpose except to collect more junk. I did everything I could to avoid it. I think my heart is the same way, it is not very useful when it is filled with junk and people do not want to be near it.

So I will do my best to maintain my drawer and my heart. I know that it is worth it to have a heart that is clean and serves it's purpose. To love people and glorify God.

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life. 
~Proverbs 4:23

33 comments:

Sherri said...

Oh how I can relate...I have a messy top drawer...I also have insomnia...and I have to get up early to have the quite house to myself! I think I have a cleaning day soon! Loved your post...as usual!

Dr. Ann said...

Tesha,
So glad to know about the return of your prayer time. That inspires me to get back into my routine as well, because it is like life itself.
And your junk drawer looks great!
Blessings,
Ann

Kallie said...

I love how you can relate even every day things to a great inspirational story! I'm so happy that you are healing slowly as it shows in your posts!

Christine said...

Yes, all of our hearts need a good regular cleaning, but friend, even when messy, yours is mighty beautiful!

Inspiring, heartfelt post. Thank you. Each time I read here, I see Holy Spirit. You are so wonderfully responsive to Him.

God's Most Precious said...

This is exactly what I needed to read this morning! Wonderful post!! I actually woke up at 6:13am and the Lord said "okay what about Me (the LORD) time" - have been eating to get up early... and would say the same to my husband but felt I couldn't... It is wonderful when it is the Lord nudging you in the AM... oh and I have the same problem with my "junk draw"... I will definitely do something about it today! Thank you for encouraging my heart ... it is amazing how much "junk" we allow in and AMAZING how patient God is waiting for us to let it ALL GO!!!
God bless you my friend! HAVE AN AWESOME DAY!!
Monica

Rachael said...

Tesha,

I am so glad to have found you too. I know that this time is SO HARD, and I am so sorry that you are having to endure this time of pain and suffering. I know how much you are missing your precious boy.

I will be praying for you as the Holy Spirit brings you to mind. God is faithful. His love for you is great.

amy said...

Tesha thanks for this, it speaks to me.I will try to do better.

amy said...

Tesha thanks for this, it speaks to me.I will try to do better.

Pink Slippers said...

Amen!

I'm Cindi... said...

What a GREAT encouragement this was, Tesha!! And Girl, that drawer looks amazing! :) I've just been completely inspired...in more ways than one. :) Love ya!

Kelly said...

Tesha, how GRATEFUL I am for you each time I read your blog. I needed this gentle reminder about quiet time. Lately I feel like my prayer life and time in the word has been sporadic at best. Those flair prayers throughout the day or a couple days when I think oh I've got behind in my reading where I planned to be. My days GO SO Much BETTER when my time is spent first thing in the morning with God and I KNOW this but why don't i always do it?

Holly@A Life-Size Catholic Blog said...

Never trust anybody who doesn't have at least one junk drawer, that's my motto!

Stopped by from the bassgiraffe-linkups and am now following. I hope you have time to stop over at my place too. Check out the Pay It Forward linkup while your there. Your blog has so many great resources for grieving moms I'd love to have you link up a post so more people can find you!

Blessings...

Trennia said...

Such a beautiful compassionate post.I agree it's so nice to get up early and have time to talk to the Lord.You did a great job on your drawer!
I have some junk I need to rid in my heart as well.Keeping you in my prayers.

Elizabeth said...

I can really relate to this...I've been dejunking my house in an effort to feel in control again. Our basement office project was started as a way to create a room upstairs for Ryan. Ever since we lost him...the basement has been put on hold...and new problems with it keep popping up. There is STUFF everywhere and it makes me feel crazy. There is also a HUGE pile of baby stuff down there that we tucked away so it wasn't in our faces every day. I just want to wave a magic wand and clean up the messes-both the physical and emotional ones. I've had insomnia too and boy does that make it hard to function/be happy, doesn't it? Here's to cleaning our our hearts, closets, basements and drawers. May all the clutter become organized as we put our lives back together!

Hillary said...

Hi friend! Popping over for a quick moment from my MIL's computer. I love how your drawer looks! When can you come and start on mine?? :) You are so right once again. Our hearts do hold on to too much stuff. I hang on to hurt feels, resentment, bitterness, jealousy (and the list just keeps going on and on). None of those things will EVER do me a bit of good. All of those things needs to go directly to the trash. Thanks for your wise words today! I really needed to hear them and didn't even know it!

Lots of love and miss you tons!

xoxox

Allison said...

Good post, you are such a good writer!

What Joy Is Mine said...

Tesha...sweet friend...I know all about that added "junk". It is a daily task for me to keep it out and not let it clutter my heart and push out God in any way. Thank you for sharing this today. I needed the reminder. Huge hugs to you today!

Kathy said...

What a perfect illustration!

jenmom said...

What timely words for me...today! Thank you for sharing and ministering to me today.

www.munahscupcake.com said...

Creative analogy! Hey, do you have an email address? Email me jacie@munahscupcake.com

Jaclyn
www.munahscupcake.com

Gina @ Gigi Marie Photography said...

I love the connection you made between the two. I think it's great that you are working through both.

Ashley said...

I have a drawer just like that :) I seem to need to clean it out every other week!

I love the analogy about the drawer and your heart. It is so true. I need to sit down and empty my heart out because I know that I have stuffed not needed junk into my soul :) Thank you for reminding me to only "store" what is important.

So glad that I found your blog, it is like a breath of fresh air.

Annmarie Pipa said...

time is a gift sometimes.

Wiley's Mommy said...

Wonderful post! I have a few of those drawers too:)

Kim said...

I have messy drawers and a messy heart:( This is all so true. I push way too many things away or down deeper and yes eventually they all have to be dealt with. You can push away all you want, but it doesn't go away until you deal with it.

Jennifer Ross said...

Sweet post. The Lord will continue to clean your heart, just as you wrote on allowing Him to do so.... but I say, have your junk drawer and smile!(lol) I have a junk drawer and it is one of my children's favorite spots to go to and look for items for their projects and/or inventions. :O)

Allison Renee said...

What a great analogy! I love it when the Lord teaches me things while I am doing the everyday things. Thanks for sharing this:)

Denise said...

Praising God for your continued healing.

Hannah Rose said...

Tesha,

This is a wonderful post. So true. It is interesting that God is really working this in my life right now. I have always been a naturally messy person. And someone who keeps things "just in case." But, over the past couple weeks (and it will continue for another week or so) I have been purging, cleaning, organizing every thing I own. Taking bags to GoodWill, preparing for a yardsale, throwing stuff away, totally reorganizing and having a place for everything I own. I just got sick of feeling sloppy. It truly all goes together, spiritual and physical. Messy heart, messy every thing else. It is a natural outflow of a heart that is changed by the Gospel for the outward parts of our lives to change as well. Our God is a God of order, not chaos. And He is showing me He wants my life, everything in it, to reflect the order and beauty of Heaven! He wants to purge me practically and spiritually of anything not of Him.

It reminds me of something the Ludy's have put together. (They run the discipleship school called Ellerslie that I went to in Colorado.) It's called "Cleaning Out The Sanctuary." How important for our hearts and homes to be clean for the King of all Kings to enter into fellowship with us! How could we ever ask Him to come spend time with us, with garbage and junk piled up around us. They really break it down into so many areas of life, to deal with things you may never have thought of, even things from years passed that you've never dealt with. I encourage everyone to take a look. It has changed my life. It truly makes you so much lighter! Here is the link:

http://www.setapartgirl.com/innersanctuary_files/Cleaning-the-Sanctuary.pdf

Blessings and much love,
Hannah Rose

momstheword said...

What a beautiful post. I really love how you made the analogy between the junk drawer and our hearts, because doesn't everyone pretty much have a junk drawer? So we can all relate.

I know that my junk drawer is stuffed right now, and it's not just MY stuff, it's everyone else's stuff, too.

Sometimes we do that with our hearts too, especially as pastor's wives. We can so easily take on another's burdens if we're not careful. Because we're privy to all sorts of information about those in our church that are hurting, etc.

Many times I (and my husband) are aware of things going on that others in the church aren't, because it's not for sharing. That's when you have to be careful to let the Lord bear that burden, because sometimes you know things about others that you wish you didn't know, lol!

But it gives you the opportunity to talk with them and pray with them and hold their hand when they're hurting.

I wonder how many people actively pray for their pastor and his wife, worship leader, and church leadership/ministry leaders?

I know that I did not do that regularly before my husband became a pastor. O.k., now I've gone off on another subject, but not really because somewhere out there someone in your church is probably praying for you right now (and mine for me, I hope, lol!)

momstheword said...

I did forget to mention that I did not see a courtesy link back to the blog meme, and if you could do that it would really be awesome. Thanks, my friend!

Wendy @ ECTaS said...

Excellent analogy! Love what you have shared :D

Samantha Kelley said...

Wonderful post. :) Feel free to grab my button if you link-up in the future. I will get that grab box made. :)

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