Monday, May 21, 2012

Happy Plastic People

Most of my life I have been a really transparent, lately my honesty has caused me some heartache.

I am not proud how I have handled all of my emotions over Jonathan's death.

I have seen how very uncomfortable it is to be real in some circumstances.

I see how telling ALL my feeling to everyone has not been wise.

Sometimes a needed lesson, is learned the hard way.

I refuse to let my heart grow hard and stop being transparent.

I have grow in wisdom, I have not grown cold.

Truth must be seasoned with wisdom.

Behold, you desire truth in the inner being: make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost being. 
~Ps. 51:6
The message in this song is the reason why I have refused to put on a happy face so many times. Even if you have heard it take the time to watch this and let it sink in.

There is such beauty in LESS than PERFECT people letting it show

Pause my music at the bottom of this page to listen 

 Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Lord help my heart to remain soft to never wear a false face to be real with all my struggles. Give me wisdom to know when and were to express my grief.

“There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are.”
~Brennan Manning


Kallie said...

I just love that poem! Thanks for sharing. I'm hoping that someday real soon, your true smile will return! Until then, my prayers are with you!

Elizabeth said...

Hang in there, Tesha. There are no mistakes in grief. You WILL get to the other side of the pain and you will have genuine joy again!

Kristy said...

I had never heard that song, wow! Keep being real Tesha. Some people may judge but being real is what blesses those who understand. I agree with Elizabeth, you will get to the other side, keep walking in faith. Praying friend. Love you!

Kim said...

I always love your honest and wise words. AND you quotes! Always so perfect. I am sorry you are experiencing heartache and disappointment with sharing your feelings about your sweet Jonathan. It is SO hard when all we can think about is our babies and it's all we want to talk about, but it's not exactly accepted. I'm glad you can come here to share your feelings. Thinking of you dear.

I'm Cindi... said...

LOVE this poem, Tesha. And your honesty. And you. :)

Dr. Ann said...

Tesha, I love what Elizabeth above wrote: "There are no mistakes in grief." When we pour out our hearts, God is there listening, waiting, and wanting to care for us in our sorrow.

Jenn said...

Oh how I can relate! I too believe it's better to be open and transparent but I also received harsh criticism for that. I lost friends & family because of my honesty. I have come to learn that that is ok and God has used my openness to help others and has brought true friends into my life. I know when I am doing what God wants of me, there will always be those who try to cause opposition. Hang in there and continue to be transparent, honest and real. God WILL bless you for it!! {{{hugs}}}

Trennia said...

I love that song, thank you for sharing!
I have read nothing have helped me so much and I think to be honest even when it hurts helps us to heal.I have been angry,sad,happy,and every emotion you can imagine.I have wrote previous post ready to make them public and stop because I think who really cares?I think maybe I will get condemned for what I am saying so I delete...and wear the "false face".(((hugs))) keeping you in my prayers.

Hillary said...

Love you and your post today :). You are exactly right. Be who you are. Let your outsides match your insides.


Gina @ Gigi Marie Photography said...

I think that people are not used to hearing the harsh realities of REAL LIFE problems & issues. Society is used to not seeing what really happens- they are sheltered from it. So when it comes right in front of them through someone that is willing to share, it makes them uncomfortable. Don't let that stop you from being open. They need to know! They need to not live in their sheltered bubble where nothing ever happens. Share share share- it's good for you & for them.

Christine said...

I am transparent through my writing, but not so much one-on-one. I'm so busy with the homeschooling and caring for the children, that I don't have much time to talk to people anyway, via phone or after church. The other church members' kids need to get home to lunch and naps, and ours too. It's hard for anyone with small children to chat very long, except at events where the kids can play safely. Our church meets in a school and the school doesn't want us lingering in the building much.

Sometimes I have regretted being so open through writing, but I do think it always helps some anonymous person out there who is going through the same thing, but doesn't like to ever comment. I read once that only ten percent of readers typically comment online.

When people think ill of us we want to close ourselves off because the criticism hurts so much, but like Mother Theresa said, it's not about them, but about Him. He wants us to be loved by others, and to love them, and our sorrows facilitate that.

You have one of the biggest hearts on the Internet my friend, and I am so proud of you for resolving to remain open and loving! Amen!

Allison said...

Being transparent can be difficult at times! It shows true honesty though. Thinking about you!

DeeDee said...

Tesha, just remember that God doesn't call the equipped (or, the 'masked' people), he equips the CALLED! Those are the people that are transparent, available to him. How can the lost relate to someone who looks perfect on the outside? Like they have it all together? The lost need to see that God can pick up the broken pieces of our lives and put them all back together if we put our trust in him. People are watching Tesha...they are watching to see what you will do with the broken-ness you are experiencing now. How else will they learn how to give their lives to Jesus if they cannot see it in action? They need to see that being a Christian does not mean that everyday is perfect, that we also experience many trials, but that we don't have to experience them ALONE. You may never see the fruit of what God is doing right now, but you will know one day when you receive your crowns in Heaven. Being used by God sometimes is very, very painful, but necessary. Praying for you today! (hugs)

Sara said...

I hear you girl... could so relate... Loved talking with you! Praying for you friend... this journey is one of learning so much and continually leaning on God and asking for that wisdom... Praying for wisdom with you friend! Here for you anytime!!!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

What a beautiful song. If people around you don't like seeing the sadness then they really don't know pain. ((HUGS))

Beth said...

Big hugs! I'm glad that you share so much. I value that so highly.

Mrs. Howard said...

I love that song. Thank you for sharing!!

Alecia said...

Transparency is a blessing. That Casting Crowns song was written just for me :) We all long to be who we are, but fear keeps us locked up tight. Being brave and putting yourself out there is courageous, I pray you won't ever stop doing it, and maybe you will influence others to do the same.

Theresa Miller said...

Truth must be seasoned with wisdom - what a great reminder. Thank you! I am sorry for your loss and pray you continue to find healing through your transparency.

~Nikki~ said...

Do you think you feel more of a need for balance of your emotions/truth/wisdom because of your ministry position? Just thinking about this, being a Pastor's wife too, and wondering if it's more prevalent, or more essential because of the work you do? When we lost Oliver, Hubby was fresh out of Bible College and not in ministry yet. But still even now, 6 years later, the thought of having to bring it all up again frightens me, as I don't want to be made vulnerable, and at the same time I know that I need to share my heart and my experience with people who are reaching out for my help.

I really respect your honesty Tesha, and I know that God will continue to mould you and encourage you as you seek His face.

Natasha Hoff said...

Keep sharing your true feelings. Don't hide them, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You are doing the best you can under these awful circumstances. I will continue to pray for peace for you and your family!

Sherri said...

I love that poem!
I love how honest you blesses so many lives! I am sorry it is hard!

KM Logan said...

Praying for you as your heart continues to heal.

Annmarie Pipa said...

and if people only love you when you're happy..who really wants those kind of friends anyway?

Gaby said...

Tesha, every one grieves differently and how can feelings be "wrong"? I love how much thought you put into this post with the video, the poem, the quotes. Prayers your way.
Here from SDG.

Tara Pohlkotte said...

oh, but through this honesty, you have allowed others, like myself, to come beside. to sit with you, even if we aren't able to take the grief away, we can at least sit with you awhile and allow you rest. there is such beauty in the courage to do this, Tesha. honestly, i love knowing your heart with every post.

Megan B ♥ said...

I cannot believe you are doing so well, especially as you come up on all of these tender dates. You are amazing and your transparency is a gift not only to those who read your blog, but I would also imagine to your children who will one day read this legacy. Honestly, Tesha, writing on my blog was what saved me when we lost Dex. Best. therapy. ever. I had to get it out onto "paper" to move forward every step of the way. A few naysayers will say that you should put on your plastic face, but they are wrong. Keep being yourself.


Melanie N. Brasher said...

I found your blog from Jen's community. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I pray the Lord heals you day by day. Thank you for your honesty.

Dandelion Breeze said...

Beautiful... and so true. Thinking of you xoxo

Dolly@Soulstops said...

Hi Tesha,

I am sorry for your loss and for those who were unable to appreciate the gift of your transparency and how it must have hurt. Praying that God will comfort you and surround you with friends who will let you grieve and will love and support you.

Thank you for choosing a soft heart instead of a false face. It takes courage to do so. Visiting from SDG

Alida said...

Your transparency here has been a blessing to me...thank you!!

Jennifer Ross said...

I LOVE this song! I feel like hiding my feelings often, BUT I will not be plastic. I need to feel the emotions. The good and the bad..... that's how grief works, and faith. We believe in a better place, while facing the pain and loss.

It's been almost four years, which does not even seem real, and I feel like I shouldn't write all of the sad sorrow "stuff" on my blog..... but, if I feel it, I write it. This loss we face, is real life. So we must be real too...

What Joy Is Mine said...

Tesha, precious friend of mine...those who know you and love you dearly will always let you be who you are in any given moment. Even today, when I bring up Joseph, some people still squirm and feel uncomfortable around me. That's not about me...Joseph is very real to me today as when he came into this world. And he will always be a part of my life and I will always talk about him. I appreciate your openness and desire to work through this difficult time. My ears and arms are always open to you. Much love to you friend. Thank you for sharing this at WJIM.

Denise said...

Amen, amen.

Ashley said...

Thank you so much for sharing this song, it was wonderful and I needed to hear it...especially today :( I wear my emotions on my shelf and I can't hide my pain (ever) and I hate how it makes other people uncomfortable but I can't change me, ya know.

Hope you are doing okay today ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

Hi, that poem is beautiful, but it was not written by Mother Teresa (even though you will see it everywhere attributed to her). The original author is Kent M. Keith. Read the story of how this confusion came about here:

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