Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Link-up and Lessons from Conference #1

Jesus said
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matt 11:29-30

Conference was an interesting week. First there were parts that were tortuously difficult. My low point was my sleep deprivation hit a peak of two nights in a row with about one hour of sleep. I began to feel physically ill from the exhaustion. Nights awake in a hotel are REALLY difficult. The high point was I shared the picture of Jonathan's face with my close friend. Such joy erupted in my heart for her to see his face. I realize that I love to see him and show him off. My husband is praying and reconsidering about me sharing his photos. I love that little guy and nothing make me happier than seeing him.

As we left to hear the first sermon I said a prayer... Please God speak to me just one thing to carry me through this.

 (I want to make mention that I am not big on saying GOD said or God told me so and so. Please know as I write what God spoke to me it was not an audible voice but the still small voice of his spirit within me that aligns with scripture.) 

This post is the main thing that God spoke to me but many more little truths graced my life this past week. Truths about sleeplessness, timetables of grief, My relationship with those that have let down my expectations, how to help my husband understand me and what to do when you really dislike a sermon. I look forward to writing on all of these.

So there were many sermons that spoke to me but the one that really stood out was about emotional health and naming our realities. The scripture the Pastor used was Genesis 41:51-52 where Joseph names his sons after a time of great trials in his life. Here are a few favorite lines from the sermon.
  1. You must learn to digest depression because you will eat a lot of it.
  2. Grief is an emotional reality with loss you do not get over it you deal with it.
  3. Don't become trapped in the dark world of introspection, there is a gift in SELF forgetfulness.

Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, "It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household "The second son he named Ephraim and said, "It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering."
~Gen 42:51-52

The names of the babies represents that the Lord was helping Joseph in his trials and grief. He was in a time of deep grief losing his whole family, yet he named his sons hopeful names. Of coarse it would be easy to think....well sure I just need a baby and I will forget my grief also.....but all Baby Loss Moms know that a rainbow baby dose not erase grief. So here is the deeper meaning and what God spoke to me.

Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, "It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household." Gen 42:51. My first thought was NOOOOOO I will not forget! The Lord immediately spoke to me and said that is not the message. He has made me forget does not mean forget Jonathan or even my sorrow. The point is that Joseph named his reality and God fulfilled the name.

I heard a still small voice...
" What is your baby's name?"...... 
"What dose it mean?".........
Gift of God.

That is the name of my reality, Jonathan is my 

The second son he named Ephraim and said, "It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering." Gen 42:51

OK Lord how can I be fruitful in the land of my suffering?.........
Be Thankful for your son, your gift, your Jonathan!

The answer is not forget but remember and BE THANKFUL!

Sometimes thankfulness feels like dismissal and denial...... It is NOT! When sadness and seaming despair creeps in, season it with thanksgiving and then I will be fruitful in the land of my affliction. 

Joseph was well acquainted with grief and God helped him. Jesus is here helping me.
It might take time, it might be painful but I would not have it any other way. I am THANKFUL for my son Jonathan, he is a gift and God is good to have given him to me.

This may be very simple but that is the beauty of the Lord, his yoke is easy and his burden is light.

Lord help me remember in the darkest, sleepless nights and loneliest days, Jonathan is a Gift from you!  Help me be thankful!

  But I will sacrifice to You With the voice of thanksgiving.
~Jonah 2:9

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him.
~Psalm 28:7 

Please stop by and say a prayer for
Jennifer Possible tumor


Elizabeth said...

Good Morning, Tesha...hope you have a wonderful week!

twisteddomesticgoddess said...

So glad you got to hear these things and discover them. Love you you've been on my heart during this time away.

Payton&Jake's Mommy said...

Tesha I loved this post! I love how the Lord used spoke to you and showed you what you needed to learn. It is very hard sometimes to be thankful for the Lord taking care of our babies sometimes. I struggle with it often. Last night, I received an email from Griefshare saying that there are 3 stages of Grief are more like, You can't go back, you can't stay here and you must go forward. That was so very heard to read... It's very hard to think about moving forward with my life after losing Jake. I know it is for you too. Hope you have a good Tuesday and finally get some rest tonight. :)

Ashley said...

This is such a beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing. I love when I am reading the scriptures or listening to a talk and the spirit speaks to my soul and things become more understanding. Thinking of you always ((hugs))

Deanna said...

Beautiful truths. I can't agree more with the #'s 1, 2, & 3.

In this life we all will face great trials from one sort to another. And we can not measure what should only cause a little grief, and what should cause great grief -for we are all special individuals, that is what makes us unique ... while I faced secondary infertility it clearly BROKE my heart, ... I have a friend right now whose been hoping for 3 years now, for her first child, but has not yet to conceive - she is okay about it all. Isn't it something at how we can all respond differently to the same kind of afflictions?

At any rate, sensitivity, I believe, is so important to remember while loving on our family, and brothers & sisters in Christ who are in the midst of grief, and without judgement.

That # 1 is so very true! It's not meant to be a dreadful statement, but to be helpful. We live in a fallen world and there is just no getting away from facing depression at one time or another in our lives. (I'm not even referring to clinical depression)

The word 'digest' is the key... for if we are sick with virus that causes us to not be able to digest properly then we go into greater conflict with our bodies -throwing up, and or something else.

Ooh Tesha, while you mourn your loss I agree with you, what a precious gift, a beautiful gift your Jonathan was and always is.

What a wonderful sermon, such a blessing to hear about and take a special look into the life of Joseph (by the way.... that is my son's name:O) and to be so greatful and thankful to God for how He uses the lives from long ago to bring help into our very present lives, into our very present circumstance.

I still keep you in prayer :O) With Love, Deanna
PS- thanks for your shared thought over at my blog about false prophets/religion. *I know some will agree with me, and then some will not:O)
PPS- the name Joseph means, if a I am remembering correctly, FRUITFUL, Multiplying etc... so therefore I am hoping for 10,000 grandchildren!!! TeeHee! --- just joking:O) It can mean being fruitful in any number of ways!!!

Mrs. Howard said...

I am so happy you're home...and had such a powerful experience. I pray that you feel peace and that your grief takes a backseat to joy. It's hard. But every day gets a little easier.

Allison said...

I'm so glad the Lord revealed such wonderful thoughts to you while you were away. I hope you have been able to catch up on some good sleep!

Lynn Proctor said...

i pray the Lord's grace and mercy upon you---new follower<3

Kindy Belew said...

Johnathan = Gift of God
I LOVE THAT!!! I'm so glad you made it home safely! And thank you so much for the prayers for these two little ones!!! I appreciate them more than you know!

Lucy McCracken said...

I'm so happy to have found your beautiful blog. I love this post. I too if I don't get enough sleep will start to feel manic and can't function. I loved what you said "This may be very simple but that is the beauty of the Lord, his yoke is easy and his burden is light." It's so true. I'm your new follower :)

Mamascham said...

Thank you for sharing what God is teaching you right now. It is speaking volumes to me today. Can't wait to read more. Blessings to you.

Betty said...

Beautiful post Tesha. "The answer is not forget but remember and BE THANKFUL!" Couldn't have said it better myself. Hugs and prayers to you.

Beth said...

I'm so glad that you could "hear" God speaking to you and comforting you at the conference (and UGH on the sleeplessnes!). I think that thankfulness is SO powerful, especially in the face of grief and loss and trial. Like you said, it's not a denial at all. Instead, I think it's a gift -- to God, to ourselves, to others.

L said...

I hope you keep sharing those pictures of Jonathan! The ones I've seen (your blog and Above Rubies) are such powerful pictures. Pictures make such an impact and it's wonderful that Jonathan continues to impact other people's lives, all to God's glory.

Christine said...

Lovely post, dear sister. Praying. Much love to you.

Kelli Becton said...

Isn't God's faithfulness amazing? so touched by your story -thank you for sharing. Praying for courtney with the loss of her rainbow baby. So heart breaking. God bless-

Kallie said...

God Bless you Tesha! Thank you for sharing your message! Although it may seem so easy to say that the pain will get better, we can all see that the process is very slow! Keep hanging on! I continue to say a little prayer for you daily!

Piece-of-Cake Parent said...

I read Courtney's story and am dumbfounded in this moment. I read her latest entries and am very grieved.
I had never hear the term "Rainbow Baby" until your post. I'm guessing this is the baby after the storm. I am going to hug mine even tighter today...

brigette said...

Thank you for sharing!! I needed this today!! Hugs mama!

Payton&Jake's Mommy said...

Oh Tesha, I very much hate to read about Jennifer's precious rainbow joining her sister in Heaven. I will lift her and her family up in prayer right now. :(

Payton&Jake's Mommy said...

I just read that was Courtney's baby.

Tawnie Black said...

Having heard these sermons also, I have to say the one on emotional health really impacted me as well. I needed that sermon, and you did an excellent job summing up the powerful points.

Denise said...

Praying for you, and loving you sweet friend.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Amazing post Tresha. Your three favorite lines from the sermon are wonderful points.

I just visited with Courtney. I can not believe what has happened to them.

Morgan said...

Joining the link up a couple of days behind. Thank you for the comment on my most recent post (about needing to blog more). That comment prompted me to come over here and get linked up. I am so grateful for you, your support, and the support of the baby loss community.

I am so so glad you go to show off a picture of your sweet baby boy! I bet your momma heart just swelled with pride :)

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