Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Safe in my heart. and LINK UP

I am growing, I am finding peace once again..... a deep peace. I was tested in my resolve on patience. I did not do perfect but I did better, I feel strengthened. I know there will be more opportunities and offense will come but I feel hopeful. 


There is a sincere song in my heart, it is a pure song one of thankfulness. I actually found myself singing GOD IS GOOD, out loud as I did the laundry. It was simple and hushed and as the sound filled my ears I could not believe it was me singing. Not that I have not thought God is good, I have never ceased to think that. Not that I have not sung because I have. It is just there was something different, something profound, something sacred as I sung those words. They were from my soul they were me telling myself, I still believe what I believe.


Be filled with the Spirit. Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord
Eph 5:18,19 

I feel a deep rest and quite resolve at this moment that all is well with my soul. My son My Jonathan is in Heaven. No matter what I will never forget. There are those that have entered in with me, they will never forget. Most importantly Jesus will never forget, Jonathan or my tears.


There is no need to fear....... Jonathan is always mine! No time or distance will numb my love for him, he is safe here in my heart.


"The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me."Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands
Isaiah 49:14-16


I know that the darkness may return there surly will be "those day". Right now in this moment I am so very grateful for this peace that passes understanding. I am blessed by all those that have walked beside me and prayed for me. I have HOPE and that is a powerful emotion. I am blessed that the darkness leads me to Jesus and he is so filled with light.


 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
~Romans 15:13
teshastreasures
NO RULES 
just encourage some other mommies

33 comments:

L said...

I am so happy you are feeling a peace right now. I have found the grief journey to be "two steps forward one step back." I think there will always be really hard, sad days. But the peace filled days really do begin to outnumber them. And what a blessing it is to have HOPE and know we will see our sweet babies again one day!

Kallie said...

I have been praying and thinking of you these past few weeks as your blog updates have been fewer between. I'm thankful that your are step by step healing. Although your sweet Jonathan is in Heaven and not here with you, he is touching so many lives through you! God bless you this week and always!

Kallie said...

I have been praying and thinking of you these past few weeks as your blog updates have been fewer between. I'm thankful that your are step by step healing. Although your sweet Jonathan is in Heaven and not here with you, he is touching so many lives through you! God bless you this week and always!

Kallie said...

I have been praying and thinking of you these past few weeks as your blog updates have been fewer between. I'm thankful that your are step by step healing. Although your sweet Jonathan is in Heaven and not here with you, he is touching so many lives through you! God bless you this week and always!

Kallie said...

I have been praying and thinking of you these past few weeks as your blog updates have been fewer between. I'm thankful that your are step by step healing. Although your sweet Jonathan is in Heaven and not here with you, he is touching so many lives through you! God bless you this week and always!

April said...

Tesha,
Your post is so honest. I remember reading your post the week that Jonathan was due...the emotions were so heavy and his loss was larger than life itself. I felt the same way leading up to Lily's birthday. Since the moment she was born up until the first Anniversary of her passing I counted the weeks; the weeks of my pregnancy, the weeks of my due date, the weeks she had been gone. Her birthday was surprisingly peaceful and I felt at ease the very next day. It was the closet to peace I hade felt in a year and it was so unexpected. Like you said, our love for our babies is just as strong as the day we gave birth to them - but there comes that day when you realize that you may smile again and it feels really good. Blessings to you today my friend ♥

Jenn said...

Huge ((hugs)) Tesha! I continue to pray for you and remember Jonathan. <3

Mrs. Howard said...

I am thinking of you bright and early this morning!!

Caroline said...

{{{ Hugs }}} Thinking of you & always remembering <3 Jonathan <3 Always always in my prayers.

Allison said...

I'm so glad you are feeling encouraged and have such a peace. I pray you will have many encouraging days.

Deanna said...

BIG SMILES !!!!
Love in Christ, Deanna

Christine said...

Praise God! He loves you and has you in his fold, just as much as Jonathan is safe in his fold. It's so hard when we can't see Him, but by his love and grace the Holy Spirit is there so we can feel Him. I read him in these words. Love to you. Praying for sustained peace and all the other needs. My heart is with you and I think of you daily.

Kara Chupp said...

So thankful to read this post...I stop and pray for you Tesha each time your name crosses my path.
I know that the road through all this isn't easy or even linear, but I'm so thankful to read that God has given you this recent peace in the midst of the pain.
Love you friend!
~K

Jennifer Ross said...

I have tears in my eyes..... I remember the first time I found myself smiling, not realizing, and then I felt a sense of guilt for feeling happy again. Each time was a little easier. I soon realized that my son would not want me to be sad forever. The moment his heart stopped, he began smiling.... with Jesus.....


Thank you for all of the support throughout these last weeks. It was very emotional and I'm so happy that I did not have to hide in fear alone, but was held by so much prayer and love.

Jerralea said...

I have not lost a child, so I cannot know your pain, but I do think you are on the right track when you pray and sing to the Lord. I think Eph. 5:18, 19 is a good thing to do at all times - especially when we are in pain from any kind of trial or test. God says He inhabits the praise of His people. You will feel His presence when you sing and praise.

God bless you!

Denise said...

Amen my dear friend. Precious Jonathon is safely resting in your beautiful heart, and will forever remain a part of you. I love you.

Elizabeth said...

Amen, Tesha! May the peace continue to grow as the sorrow softens, with Jonathan always remaining in your beautiful heart.
Much Love,
Elizabeth

P.S. For anyone who previously enjoyed reading our blog (Dancing in the Rain), we've gone private...but I do have a few reader spots remaining. You can email me at ehepler81@yahoo.com. I'm very happy that many of my bereaved Mommy friends have come along with us to the private blog. For any newbies out there, we are a family of five in NC- we lost our son at around 1/2 way into our pregnancy; he had trisomy 18.

Ashley said...

So glad that you are feeling so peace right now. Jonathan IS always yours. Thinking of you ((hugs))

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am so happy to hear that you are filled with peace. God is answering our prayers for you.
((HUGS))

Stephanie said...

Nothing but love for you my friend!

Trennia said...

Tesha,
I am happy that you are feeling peace (((hugs)))...only the Lord can give you the peace you need, He is the great comforter :)
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,Love you my friend.

Trennia said...

Tesha,
I am happy that you are feeling peace (((hugs)))...only the Lord can give you the peace you need, He is the great comforter :)
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,Love you my friend.

What Joy Is Mine said...

Sweet friend...I have prayed for you often to have peace. God is good to give you what I have asked of Him. May you continue to feel that peace especially when "those days" happen. Huge hugs to you.

Kathy said...

Tesha, I thank God for you and your faithfulness to wait upon Him in this time of your life. You have been patient and God has brought you that deep peace. God is good. Continuing to pray for you my dear friend!

Chirleen Evans said...

I just LOVE that you can find peace and that God can bring you comfort. Your strength encourages me.

Elle's mommy said...

I LOVE this Tesha! That part of Isaiah 49 is fabulous! God gave those verses to me a few months back on a day when the tears just would not stop. He reminded me that he loves me even more than I love our Ellersley, which sounds impossible. Something my mind cannot even comprehend! He has my name written on the palms of his hands and forever he will remember my sorrow...I have goosebumps! :) Thanks so much for the reminder and as always the link-up! Love to you and I am so glad his peace has made it's way into your healing heart...

Elle's Mommy

brigette said...

Im so happy that you are feeling some peace. You are such a inspiration. Big hugs to you and prayers that you continue to feel peace!

SingerMamaMelody said...

Hooray Tesha!!! I've been thinking of you so much and praying for you. It was wonderful to read this post and to hear of the peace and joy that the Lord is restoring to your soul...what an awesome gift He has given you in the midst of this wild storm. You are dear to me, and I hope that we can meet in person one day! :)

May the Lord give you His continued peace and presence in a very powerful way. May you know that He is with you so deeply.

I hope to write something later and will link up then...

Love,
Melody

Jacqueline @ Deeprootsathome.com said...

Tesha,
I am featuring you this evening over at Deep Roots At Home. I love your encouraging and moving post. Praise God that He is a God of healing and comfort! Thank you sister...hope you will share with us regularly :)

Kim said...

I am so happy that you are entering into some peaceful moments. It take so much pain to get here, but it a breath of fresh air to feel deep love for our babies, but also find a little resolve. I am reading a book called "Big George". I just started and didn't plan to say anything until I have read it, but I have heard it is good. It is written through the eyes of a baby who went to Heaven. I have never heard of one similar, but I will let you know how I like it.

Sherri said...

Hooray!!!
I felt a surge of joy...just reading that you were finding peace! I'm so happy for you!
Can I just tell you..I love when you comment on my blog...it makes me smile!

Sarah said...

Tesha,

I have been reading this blog, off and on, for a while now. I thought you may enjoy it.


http://churchonmission.typepad.com/seanandshey/

Kelli Becton said...

Tesha, I have no "knowing" words for you but I am thankful you are putting one foot in front of the other and sharing your heart with others to encourage - there is no doubt in my mind God is using you greatly to reach people for Him. God bless-

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