Sunday, October 28, 2012

Capture your grief ~Day 28

Today we are supposed to share a memory.

I have many memories some I wish I could forget forever. Others I will cherish and replay over and over so I never forget even the smallest detail. One memory that really stands out to me is incredibly sad but also very touching in a sweet way.

 My husband and I had held Jonathan for many hours. We prayed over him, sung songs to him, talked to him and took turns holding him. We were very tired and had already made the decision that we would let them take Jonathan that night. We would be checking out in the morning and we wanted our goodbye to private, not with nurses coming in and out. So around 11:40 I asked my husband if he was ready to say goodbye and let him go. I will never forget his response with huge tears streaming down his face he said.... 
"We can't let him go on his Birthday." 

At that moment I thought my heart might break into. My husband had slept with all of our babies on the couch in the hospital room. So he took Johnathan and laid down with him. I have a picture of him laying with all of our children on the hospital couch so I took a picture. This is one of my most treasured photos. I can see the pain on a daddy's face that is saying goodbye to his son. 


The intimacy we shared in those hours with Jonathan were some of the sweetest we have ever know. I feel forever connected to the heart of my husband. In the most difficult time in our lives we had each other, all the rest of the world faded away and it was just us. Gods plan for marriage is truly beautiful.

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
~Matthew 19:4-6

17 comments:

Deanna said...

all that comes to mind when i read your post and see the pictures is, ... what wonderful parents Jonathan has.

The Kimmels said...

Oh Tesha, that picture is so wonderful. What amazing parents you guys are. I have to admit, I cried a little about not letting him go on his birthday <3

Lisa Sissons said...

What a beautiful and touching moment. Your husband sounds like a lovely man.

Allison said...

What truly special people ya'll are!

Mrs. Howard said...

What a sweet, sweet moment!

Kristy Quinn said...

That picture is so beautiful. I have been actively bypassing your blog recently because I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my 10th baby and have lost 4. One was at 19 weeks. I need to stay positive & the devil likes to remind me of my own loss. I pray for you and try not to focus so I don't fall into a pit of sadness of my own, but today... that picture... I have no words... only tears. I couldn't not stop by and give you a virtual hug. Remember mama that you are so blessed! I never got to hold mine or even know what gender it was. It was ripped from me by a selfish Dr. I too would cherish pictures like the one you posted. *hugs to you from me!!*

Hillary said...

Thats just the most moving picture ever! You have the sweetest hubby with the biggest heart!

xoxox

Kim said...

Oh my gosh Tesha, I am in tears just reading this. How so very precious that you caught this moment in a photograph.

Kelly said...

What a sweet sweet memory. Coming by to check in on you friend.

Elisabeth said...

Each time I read a post its as if I wrote it. So many memories I'd love to forget other's I wish I could hold onto forever.

Luke was born at 8:56pm on a Thursday night. I'll never forget there was a bunch of nurses and two doctors. The nurses were in tears. It touched my heart they had such a heart for our family. I know they'd seen it many times before because this is one of the 3 top hospitals for high risk pregnancies and they have a level 3 NICU.

My niece was born at the same hospital just around the corner from where Luke was born. I was there for the entire labor and delivery (at the time it hurt now it's a blessing) and the smell came flooding back.

We held him and loved him for many hours. My sister who was at work (she's a nurse at The Cleveland Clinic) when he was born so she came to see us when she got off work.

We have photos I treasure so much, there are more photos I wish I had taken but they had me on so many drugs I just wasn't there.

I'll never forget calling the nurse to tell her I was ready. I was crying so hard I couldn't even make out what I was saying.


When we have more children that's the hospital I'm thinking of going back to. That or EMH. We haven't decided yet. We just keep praying that we'll get pregnant again soon.

Sherri said...

You bring tears to my eyes everyday!
I love this picture!
Your such an amazing mom!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

The picture says it all and I love when your husband said "We can't let him go on his birthday." Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers always.

Catherine said...

Thank you for sharing such a precious memory. I am so glad you have that photo of your husband with Jonathan.

Pamela said...

Such sweet memories from such a hard, hard time in your lives. I love how you allowed God to bring you closer instead of allow Satan to drive a wedge between you.

Denise said...

Sweet, sweet moment.

Baby Blessings said...

What a sweet but heart-wrenching post! The picture of your husband is so sweet. I can't imagine how your hearts broke losing your baby. It is in the tough times though that we seem to grow the most.

Jennifer Ross said...

I'm an absolute mess after reading this..... I have no words, just tears......

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