This last week has been so busy. We just finished Harvester Homecoming, our church conference where all the pioneer pastors return home to preach. What did God speak to me in fifteen sermons over five days? That I need to be FULL of Thanks! Instead of worry, doubt, sadness, insecurity, anxiety, fear, and the list could go on and on.
I have been struggling with thanksgiving lately. This is sad for me because I know God has already specifically told me to be thankful and concerning Jonathan, I have been. In June at our Bible conference I felt like I got the answer to my grief. It was to be thankful for Jonathan's life. I used to get up everyday and look at his little urn and such sadness would fill my heart, I almost could not bear it. Since my change of perspective I get up in the morning and look at the sweet picture of his precious face. I usually touch his cheek and whisper, "I am so thankful for you baby boy". However this thankful spirit has not translated to the other areas of my life.
I am regularly irritated that my house seems to be falling apart all around me. We put one thing back together only to have something else break. I have been so upset and often complaining that I am in pain due to some female issues. I have found myself worried and down right depressed that a rainbow is not on the horizon. If I can be full of thanks for Jonathan why do I struggle so much to be thankful in other areas?
Last Tuesday I was running around trying to get the kids clothes ready for our conference. I had a doctors appointment in the afternoon so my to do list was long. All of the sudden I heard a loud crash and a scream. It was the kind of sound that a mommy dreads. Right away I knew that something serious had happened.
I rushed into the boys room to find Jadon shrieking in pain and blood running down his back. The light fixture had fallen off the ceiling and the glass had left a deep gash right over his spine. I knew immediately it was bad and quickly got him in the car and headed to the hospital. After seven stitches and X-rays to confirm he was OK we were on our way home. I rejoiced all the way signing songs of thanksgiving. I knew how much worse the outcome of that light falling could of been. To say I was full of thanks would have been an understatement.
Then a few short hours later my doctor gave me some news I did not want to hear. Quickly my thankful heart was gone. In the blink of an eye sadness and worry choked out thankfulness. Over the next few days as I listen to sermons they each seem to speak the same message to me. I really need to work on having a thankful heart in all areas.
I read One Thousand Gifts a while back and began my thankful journal. I quickly fizzled out and told myself I did not need to write it down, I would just say them in my head. Well I now see part of the gift is in the writing, so when dark days come there are many testimony's to carry me through. Today I will start my thankful list again. I can't not put all of them on my blog but I hope to do a thankful post once a week or so to recorded some of them here.
Thank you Lord for all these gifts!
- Sermons that convict and inspire.
- A little boy patched up with seven stitches.
- Your power to miraculously heal.
- Your wisdom to give me what is best even if it is not what I want.
- A visiting preacher that so encouraged and inspired my Oldest Son.
- My sweet Sister-in-law, mentioning Jonathan because she knows I love to hear his name.
- A husband that has put up with some serious complaining, and not complained about it :)
- The sweet sound of "I forgive you" whispered by my child.
- Laundry hammers overflowing from last weeks services, our drawers are empty but our hearts are full.
- The grace of a new day, a new chance to practice thank-FULL-ness.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song
I shall thank Him.