Monday, December 31, 2012

A HAPPY New Year

 
 
 
As I reflect on the New Year I can't help but think of this time last year. I remember anticipating 2012 and all that it would bring, specifically a new baby. I wrote this in my journal last New
Years Eve.
 
 I am so excited for this new year. I have always wanted back to back to babies and now God has blessed me with the desire of my heart. I am tiered from Christmas but excited for a restful winter and the preparation of our new baby. I feel this sweet little one moving around and how my heart rejoices. This baby was planned by God, chosen for our family at this time. I know God has big plans for this life growing inside of me.

I had no idea last New Years Eve that I would say good by to our son Jonathan. I had no idea that 2012 would be the most difficult year of my life, I had no idea the heart ache it would hold. I also did not know that my faith would be tested and I would come through stronger and more in love with Jesus and my family.

As I reflect on this, I realize I do not know what 2013 holds in store. Will it be a year of rejoicing and joy? In my plans another baby would join our family. However I truly believe that Jesus is the author of life and death and he knows what is best. No matter what happens I know that Jesus will be by my side. I know that I am blessed because of him. He is my all and all and carries me though the darkest storms. Jesus is good even when life is hard!

My dear sweet Jonathan, 2012 will always be your year in my heart. You lived, you were born and you went to Heaven this year. I miss you so much and how I would love to see your big sister holding you and Joseph playing with you. My heart breaks over the absence of you in our family. I close my eyes and picture you in Heaven. I see you there happy, smiling with Papa and Papaw. They love you and are so thankful for you. I imagine you are their special boy, so loved. I feel the whisper of a prayer "Don't cry mommy I am loved, I am happy".
 
Jesus thank you for this blessed year, it was hard but you were with me. I know you have big plans for our lives and our future. Thank you for the blessing of Jonathan, for his life and all the lessons he has taught us. I love you more everyday you are my wonderful counselor, everlasting father and so mighty to save!
 
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
 
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 
Ecclesiastes 3:11

13 comments:

Sara said...

Tesha, praying for you as you enter 2013... I remember feeling that same way when the year passed that we said goodbye to Samuel... It was nice to see the year and so hard at the same time... Praying for you heart tonight... He is so faithful!

Leanne said...

I know 2012 was hard for you.....I know your heart will always ache when you think back on it...

But your faith has been an encouragement to me. Your honesty is refreshing and needed.

Keep being honest and keep loving your Saviour. I am so strengthened and encouraged by you, friend!

(((HUGS)))

Deanna said...

that is a sweet whispered prayer to mommy, to you. Oh how Jesus loves us.
blessings and joy be yours this 2013.
with love, deanna

Catherine said...

So perfectly written <3

Wishing you a happy new year filled with blessings and peace! I hope that 2013 brings us both our rainbows and that we get to meet one of these days :)

Mrs. Howard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Howard said...

I am just loving those beautiful pictures. Happy New Year!!! Soo wonderfully excited to see what this new year brings for you!!! I pray for healing, a new baby if that's what is in your plan, and a fresh beginning.

Myssi Mancilla said...

I loved the verses you included at the end, these are some very close to me heart as I deal with loss...and starting a new Year without my baby. Thank you for sharing!

Kristy Quinn said...

Sweet, sweet mama... how I pray that 2013 is a phenomenal year filled with surprises for you!! *hugs* <3

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Praying that 2013 will bring you joy. I often live in the fear of the unknown and I have to trust God's plan for me. I am thankful that He brought you through the storm and held you close. So many can pull away with such a tragic loss. He is our salvation. ((HUGS))

Denise said...

Have a very blessed 2013.

Kallie said...

You have been through so much this year! I wish only great things for you and your family in 2013¡

Kim said...

Tesha, I am tears reading your passage from the New Year in 2012 and in awe and amazement by your strength. I love how you said 2012 is your year just for Jonathan, I so feel the same about 2010 for Reese and Scotlyn. If 2012 brought me nothing else, it brought me a dear friend in you. As much as I wish our babies were here with us, I take comfort in knowing they are in Heaven together and feeling very fortunate that I met you this year.

brigette said...

Your family is so beautiful!!! Praying for a great 2013 for your family!

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