"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight"
I have been pondering these lines recently as they have been playing many times a day on our radio.
My heart has not been light lately, in fact I would say I have felt heavy, it's been a heavy year. A heavy heart has been mine for many months. Even in laughter there has been a heaviness knowing that something was lost.....someone.
My husband and I recently watched a home video from when we were newly married. I was young, very much in love and beyond happy. Joy oozed out of me in the video, I was so happy. Happy to be newly married, Happy to be expecting a baby, Happy that my dreams were about to come true.
We had nothing in the beginning and I needed nothing. All that mattered was my new husband or Hunny Bunny as I called him in the video and my new baby arriving soon. My dream back then was to have a home and a big family. Why now so many years later when the dream is a reality do I struggle with Joy?
|A picture form the video, 1997|
Losing Jonathan was a difficult trial, it broke my heart. My happily ever after seemed to fade away. I was deeply lost in pain, I thought I might never make it out nor did I want to emerge. Yet here I am on the other side, broken, bruised but patched up and put back together by Jesus
Yet that light heart and laughter has still eluded me.... where has that smiling girl gone? I want to tell her, tell me..... All your dreams have come true! You have many babies, a happy home and family, no one is lost. Jonathan is safe in heaven, forever yours.......Please let your heart be light.
I long for that light heart and carefree spirit...filled with hope and trust.
Isn't that how it is at salvation?..... Beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61:3
Only Jesus has the power to heal the brokenness left by this world. A heart made heavy by tragedy, sin and sadness. Redeemed and restored to what once was....A heart of hope, joy, excitement and laughter. An excitement for the future and the Joy that will come.
Jonathan is missing from our home this Christmas. Sometimes I can physically feel the heaviness of his absence....but I will not let my heart remain there. I will trust in my Savior and hand over the heavy burden, for all that is asked of me is easy and light.
This Christmas I will trust in the one that eases my burdens and carries my load.
I will Let my heart be light!
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.