Wednesday, February 29, 2012

THE RIPPLE EFFECTS ON OUR MARRIAGE

This post is following a prompt from walking with you, on marriage.



Our marriage has endured some extremely trying times, and each of those times God has worked All things together for our good, Romans 8:28.  I know this trial will bring us closer together and refine our marriage through the fire. My husband (Jimmy) is an AMAZING, WONDERFUL and SUPPORTIVE man, I am so blessed to have him.



In these weeks since Jonathan went to heaven I have experienced many emotions, one of the strongest is loneliness. I don't know how to describe it, I am NEVER alone. It's a loneliness of the heart, feeling like something is missing. Jimmy try's so hard to comfort me and be there for me. 
Like the night we first came home from the hospital, I could not sleep and he stayed up with me because I did not want to be alone. At 11:30p.m I decided to take a prescription pill the doctor had given me to help me get some sleep..... BIG MISTAKE! I started hallucinating, seeing visions of the baby, I was a wreck. I asked Jimmy to go get me some benadryl, (they had given it to me in the hospital to sleep) and he said he would go but we should stay together. I think he didn't want to leave me. We both went to the market at 1:00 a.m, our children where at mam's. We went to bed that night at 2:30a.m, together holding hands and crying. I was so thankful that he was there for me.


There were so many doctor appointments for me in those first days, he never left me and he took me everywhere holding my hand the whole time. The first time he had to go back to work I felt like my heart was being ripped out. I knew it could not stay the way it had been, it's not that I really wanted it to, I just wasn't ready to be without him.

 In the last week I would say I am like a teeter-totter, one minute wanting to be with him and talk, and the next minute I just want to be alone. There is such a difference in the way we grieve, it would be so much easier if we were the same. Of course I have always know that we are different, but in trials the differences become more pronounced. He is so considerate, always trying to read what I need and want, he does his best to help me.

 I guess the problem is --I have often expected him to heal my heart, when he does not possess the power to do so.
I know that God is the only one who can bind up the brokenhearted and set the captives freeIsaiah 61:1. Jimmy is just so much easier to access sometimes. Its not because Jesus is not there, he is always there, I just get lazy. I told a friend recently, "I wish I could type a prayer into the computer and get an answer from Jesus."
 I know I must SEEK him  Jeremiah 29:13 says You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart I will be found by you," declares the LORD. It is not always easy but there is power in the process of seeking. If I can just remember that Jimmy is my husband, my companion, my covering, my friend and not my SAVIOR everything would be so much easier.

We are closer from this experience, we have walked a deep dark path together. I will be forever grateful for the man God has given me.  He is courageous, strong, compassionate, affectionate, tenderhearted and on and on and on I could go. However he is still a man and I need comfort and healing from my SAVIOR.


Thank you God for my remarkable HUSBAND. 
Thank you for sending your Son to be our SAVIOR.


Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Monday, February 27, 2012

NAMING OUR BABY

Today I am following the prompt from Walking With You, on naming our baby.
The week before Jonathan died we had a 3D ultrasound, and found out we were expecting a baby boy. We were excited but had not come up with a boys name. My husband and myself talked and I did some researching on meanings. Our first four boys names start with the letter J, they are all Biblical names and they each have a family name as well. I was not concerned about breaking the J tradition, however my husband would not hear of it. So I searched "J" bible names again!


 I decided I liked the name Jonathan and was absolutely thrilled when I read the meaning, "GIFT FROM GOD ". I told my husband and we agreed that would be our next born sons first name. For a middle name all of our children have family names, we decided on Anthony after my Mother-in-laws father. Anthony means praiseworthy, or priceless. We were excited we had picked a name!

 One week and a few days later our beloved boy was born into heaven. As I sat in the hospital awaiting his birth, I was extremely sad over his name. Jonathan Anthony (in my heart and mind ) was not a dead baby, he was a vibrant little boy chasing his big brother. There would only be a separation of fifteen months between Joseph and Jonathan. How I loved to envision them playing together, being best friends.

 As soon as I met our baby, I knew, indeed he was our Jonathan. In our home of  four boys, all with J first names (plus their daddy) it is easy to get tongue tied. The first time Jonathan slipped from my lips, I was calling Joseph, tears immediately stung my eyes.


 I pondered...... I will never call my Jonathan to come and give me a kiss, I will never call him in for dinner, I will never call him to see how his wife and children are. No, I will not call his name in the same way I do my other children. Although somehow there now seems to be comfort in my tongue twisting. Jonathan is indeed one of my boys and I love that his name will forever slip off my lips as I call his brothers.
  

Jonathan Anthony you are forever in our hearts!  

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 
James 1:17

Sunday, February 26, 2012

MY SEA OF GREIF

Thank you Sufficient Grace for connecting hurting mommies. This post is following thier prompt on, the sea of grief.

 I have only just begun this journey through the sea of grief that many have walked through for years. It is one month since we said goodbye to our darling baby. The days are fuzzy, at moments I feel like I have lost this month. Where did the time go, it seams like yesterday I held Jonathan in my arms. I am desperately grasping for my life preserver, the unsurpassed, infinite, and consoling WORD OF GOD. It is what gives me hope.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.


 I now know what it feels like to lose a son. All consuming sorrow, is my companion at times. Then as quickly as the storm appeared it is quieted. My heavenly father brings sweet relief from my grief, just in time, at the moment I simply can not bear anymore. I never would of thought that Jonathan's death would have such a profound effect on my life and heart.  How could someone who existed for such a short time leave such a deep everlasting impression. I am so thankful for his life and the GOOD THAT WILL COME FROM THIS GRIEF. It is so new to me, I know it will be a long road. 

When my beloved Papaw went to heaven everything hurt for a year, I expect this will take even longer. I recently heard a quote that said...."When you lose a parent you loose your past, when you lose your child you lose your future." I feel like I have lost a big part of my future. I have lost a baby boy that would of become a toddler, a child, a teenager and then a man. My loss will span the coarse of my life. I will always be aware someone is missing. 

In the first weeks of this uncharted course of grief, I was extremely chatty I wanted to talk to everyone. I wanted to tell them all about Jonathan, every detail. I was so afraid that people would dismiss his life, it was like I was on a quest to validate him. At this moment my sea of grief seems deep and dark. I feel alone and broken. I no longer want to talk, I am exceptionally quite these days. I am not sure what has changed, all I know is my mind feels clouded and so many things seem insignificant. If asked to describe myself before, I would of said "fun-loving and easy going." Where has that girl gone...will she return? 

Leaving the hospital without my baby.

 Funny how grief  can cause us to return to old habits. I was so proud of myself this past year. I have never been a very organized girl. In 2011 I implemented a pretty strict schedule for our family, and it worked. These past weeks it has flown out the window, and I have reverted to my old unorganized ways. My 9:30 laundry time now passes with the piles still on the floor. I know this is just a season, and one day I will be encouraged to begin again. I try not to be to hard on myself, certainly no one else is. It's just surprising to me the far reaching effect grief  has.


I try to give my best to my children, but at times I fail. They are so sweet and understanding, even my two year old knows mommy is sad, because our baby Jonathan went to heaven. Because I home school there is no quite place for me to be alone with my thoughts during the day, so I have become a night owl. Of coarse this leads to the enviable grouchiness that come from sleep deprivation. My children, husband and friends are very accommodating to my grief, they give me lots of grace. I am so appreciative  for their sympathetic love.


Above all I am thankful  for the promise of everlasting life from God. I know that he is beside me, not standing at a distance watching from afar. His Son also died, he knew the great grief I am experiencing. In some  moments I feel like my heart and flesh will fail, thank God my Jesus will rescue me.


 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26 

Saturday, February 25, 2012

A PRECIOUS GOODBYE

This post is following the prompt from sufficient grace ministries entitled, A Precious goodbye.


We have only recently lost our darling boy. Our goodbye has not been a spectacular one, sometimes I feel very sad over the way it stands right now. We choose to cremate Jonathan, I was not thrilled about it but it seemed like our only option. We live in a big city where burial land is very expensive and hard to come by. I grew up in Tennessee and we had a family plot that we visited often, I just assumed that's the way it should be. However it is not possible for us were we live at this time. So our Jonathan was cremated.



Going to the mortuary was one of the most horrendous experiences I have encountered through this trial. When we arrived the lady was cold and calculated, even though I was weeping. The though of my precious baby's body, cold and alone in that place was more than I could bear. I could hardly control my sobbing, yet she never spoke one word of comfort. Now I am usually a pretty mild mannered girl, I mean I better be seeing that my husband is a Pastor. I always imagine when I want to lose my temper with someone, that they would walk in our church and say, "She is the Pastors wife?"  So my husband was a little surprised when really let her have it. She had done the unimaginable to me, casually dismissing my loss because of my baby's age. I don't remember what I said, but I know it was not very gracious. I said I was going to call the manager but I never did, I figured God would do a better job at straightening her out then I could. 



My Husband (Jimmy) and I spent hours looking for the perfect urn online. We finally decided on a little wood box with a baby angel on top, resting inside wings. What I am most thankful for, is that we decided to get urn necklaces to put some of Jonathan's ashes in. We spent even more hours looking for the perfect necklace for my husband and myself. Last week on a normal afternoon, my husband called to say he was bringing our baby home. A little strange, maybe but it did bring me some comfort to think that his remains are here with us. I have not taken off my necklace since I got it. The truth is, right now I need to feel close to my baby that is absent from my body. I know he is alive in heaven, but it brings me comfort. As I go about my many responsibility's I can glance down at the necklace and whisper, "I am thinking of you Jonathan." 





The other ways we have said goodbye..... This blog, I never thought I would be a "blogger". Yet here I am pouring my heart out to a computer. I know that I will treasure my posts from this time when I look back.
made birth announcements to send to our friends and family. I am currently working on a slide show for his pictures. I still hope we have a little service for him even if is just our family, it just has not happened yet. My husband, started a sermon series our first week back at church entitled. "Faith under fire". It has been powerful as he shares our personal testimony, even in the mist as we walk through the valley.

Jonathan's blanket made by mommy.
.  My goodbye does not seem like enough. I sobbed when the birth announcements arrived because I thought they would bring me more closure, they didn't. They only left me feeling, like I wish I could do more for my sweet Jonathan. Even if we had an elaborate service, that I could only imagine in my dreams, it would not be enough. No earthy ceremony will quench the anguish of my soul.

 My only comfort is that I have a glorious hope of heaven. Someday I will hug my boy in heaven, and all will be as it should be...... 
NO MORE GOODBYES.



He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:4


Friday, February 24, 2012

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JADON!



Today is Jadon's 7th birthday! It is also one month today since Jonathan went to heaven. I did my best to take a break from my grief and celebrate my miracle boy.

 Jadon is my sweet, amazing, creative, miracle baby! What was his response when we ask him what he wanted for his big day.......Jadon said,  "Daddy get me whatever you think is COOL." What an amazing boy, that answer sure made us want to BLESS him! So we have spent his special day doing his favorite things.....  Don's donuts, he had a cinnamon roll and a chocolate old fashion. Than we headed to Venice for a early morning skate session. Next Mam pick the boys up for lunch, and a special treat. For dinner it was pizza and cake, then presents from Mommy and Daddy.


 






 Dear Jadon,
Seven years ago today you came into our lives, how we rejoiced at your birth!  As you know when you were in mommy's tummy we got bad news....the top specialist said you would have many problems and sever brain damage. Daddy and Mommy along with our friends and family prayed for you everyday. On the day you were born so many of our loved ones gathered with us to welcome you. We waited in anticipation for the doctors report and possible surgery for you. At close to midnight we got the news......God granted  us a miracle. I held you all night singing praises to God, I have never rejoiced as much as I did that night. I was so in love with Jesus and so in love with you. Your life has brought us so much joy, more than I can express in words. I rejoice over you daily. You are a thoughtful, joyful, charming boy. I know Jesus has BIG plans for life, I am excited to see who you will become. I love you so much! 


HAPPY BIRTHDAY little man!

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 
1 Samuel 1:27

Thank you JESUS!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

THE BIRTH OF OUR ANGEL BABY

I recently found an amazing web-sight for grieving mommies. They do a weekly topic for moms to post about and link to other moms, on the same subject. It is comforting to hear stories of others walking this sometimes lonely road of loss. This post is on "the birth of our baby".
Thank you Sufficient Grace.
    

The birth of my beautify baby boy. 

It all happened very fast and was so unexpected. I went to a routine doctors appointment on Monday, January 23rd. The prior week I had the flu and had to reschedule my January 18th appointment until the following Monday. When I arrived  my blood pressure was high but they thought it was due to my sickness. During the doctors routine examination she began to check for the babies heartbeat. After an agonizing 10 minutes or so she said she needed to send me to the emergency room because she could not find his heartbeat. I was worried, but  honestly thought every thing was fine. After all, we had just seen our little guy on a 3D ultrasound the week before. I thought he was just hiding. I called my my husband (Jimmy) and after delivering my five other children to their Mam's, we proceeded to the hospital.


Once we arrived at the hospital I was pretty relaxed. After all, we had sent text messages to our church family, personal friends and family members, everyone was praying. Surly God would not let that many people down, and besides I have a miracle baby and know that God can come through even in bleak circumstance. The ultrasound confirmed what seemed unimaginable to me, our sweet baby boy was already in heaven. In shock, we gathered our family to prepare for Jonathan's delivery the next day. I felt so alone and lost that night, how was it possible my baby was dead? I could of swore I felt him kick that night. 


January 24th, 2012 will be etched on my heart and mind forever. Although I had given birth to five babies, my arrival at the hospital on this day was indescribable. I had been anxious and afraid before but this time I was embarking on a journey that would forever change me. A road no mommy would ever want to walk. As I lay awaiting Jonathan Anthony's arrival I pondered what would life be like now, how I would it feel to leave the hospital with empty arms and a broken heart. Jimmy never left my side, yet I felt alone. My wonderful Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-law joined me for his birth. They looked through the memory box the hospital had provided us, and gave me some helpful information designed to help me through this time.


I never had such conflicting emotions while desperately wanting it to be over, I knew the end result of his birth would be the ultimate goodbye.   

The sunset on Johnathan's birthday we could see it from our hospital window!


At around 7:30 I felt the urge to push, when the doctor checked me she said we had to wait until I was fully dilated. She informed us Jonathan's body could be damaged from the delivery. This is when my tears gave way to panic because it had not crossed my mind, the consequence death had taken on his little body. I begged my husband to pray that Jonathan would be born quickly and entirely whole. 
My scream "the baby is coming" was within seconds after his prayer was finished.


Jonathan Anthony was born at 7:40p.m. I was terrified to see, would his precious body be intact?

 I took him into my arms and immediately my heart overflowed with motherly love. He was perfect, and I adored him. The next hours were our cherished, blessed time with our son. My husband and I held him, talked to him and prayed over him. I unwrapped his little body and did my best to commit every tiny detail to memory. We took many pictures, I am so grateful we did. 




When the nurse came to take his hand and footprints I will never forget the compassion and love she showed. When she took him from my arms and spoke to him as if he belonged to her.  She said "Hello handsome little man, I am here to take care of you." Even writing these words the tears begin to flow. Her considerate beautiful words still take my breath away. 


As the time passed we knew the moment would arrive. We would have to say fair-well to Jonathan for the rest of our lives here on earth. My tenderhearted husband said "We can't let him go on his BIRTHDAY". So at a little past midnight, we said goodbye to our beloved son.



  My grief in that moment threatened to consume me, I felt devastated beyond compare but just as the darkness was closing in, I heard the still small voice of my Jesus. God presences was there with us, although he did not remove the pain, he carried me and held me.

 The next day the amazing nurse that had been so compassionate to Jonathan and myself came to visit. 
I told her thank you from the bottom of my heart. Her replies will be forever engraved on my heart. She said "No, thank you, Jonathan was one lucky boy to be so loved, some children live a lifetime and do not know the love he had." I will be forever thankful for my angel nurse. 


We did leave the hospital with empty arms and a broken heart, however we also left with resolve. A quite determination filled my heart to honor my sweet Angel baby, to make sure the world knew he existed and was so very loved.


Jonathan Anthony my darling, you are precious, cherised, rememberd and beloved. Thank you Jesus that I do not walk alone, you are my constant companion.

Isaiah 43:2-3 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

MIDNIGHT MOURNING

Lamentations 3: 49-50
49 My eyes will flow unceasingly, 
without relief, 
50 until the LORD looks down 
from heaven and sees.


How do you mourn with five active homeschooling children?
....at midnight. 
Seriously, I have not sleep well since Jonathan went to heaven. I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour but I just lay there and cry, so I have decided my time is better spent up. Although my vanity would disagree,( you would not believe the dark circles I have acquired). So what am I doing in the late night hours, occasionally wee morning hours? Mostly I pray, read, work on photos, or work on this blog. Frequently I just lay on the couch and think of Jonathan. I have his blanket from the hospital, I hold it and consider him. Sometimes I remember his delicate little body, and sometimes I envision him as a blissful little boy in heaven.


Will it endlessly hurt like this? 
Will this sorrow release its grip on my heart?
Will I ever feel complete again?

Despite having all of these emotions my grief is not without HOPE, I do have assurance of heaven and seeing Jonathan again. How my heart breaks for the mourning mommies that do not have Jesus, and the comfort he brings. I know that in my darkest hour he is with me, never leaving or forsaking me. Jesus is not intimidated by my mourning, he knew it would come. He can handle the frankness of my feelings. He also is intimately acquainted with suffering. He dose not scold or rebuke me for my lack of faith, He loves me and weeps with me. He even promised one day my mourning will end. 

Mathew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Monday, February 20, 2012

CRY OUT IN THE STORM


CRY OUT IN THE STORM

I cried out to God today and ask him this pain to take away.
I ask him why this pain he gave?

My sweet child, he replied to me,
I give only peace not misery.

Then where are you amidst this pain, surely I am alone
and have loved in vain.

No my daughter I am there, feel me wipe your every tear.
The pain you feel I do know, and cry with you in your sorrow.

I miss my baby can't you see, why oh why did he have to leave?
How I wanted to watch him grow, to hug, kiss and hold him close.

He is safe here with me, heaven is blessed by him you see.
He is loved, he is well, Papaw and Papa's little pal.
We will love him until your here and care for him each passing year.
Someday soon you will meet, then you will kiss his little cheek.
Eternity will be enough, to make up for lost years on earth.

Jesus, Jesus I cry out, help me love and worship you now.
Even in the darkest days, I want to always give you praise.
You are just and you know best, your plans are good and I will rest.
In the peace of this place, and even now seek your face.
Forgive me for my lack of faith, I need you in these trying days.
Keep my baby safe with you, help my strength to be renewed.
Forgive me when I get lost, in my sorrow let me see the cross.
How you gave your life for me, and took my sins at Calvary.

Sweet child of mine do not fear, I am with you, I am near.
I know your sorrow and your pain, my Son also died, but not in vain.
My love for you will go on, even when yours is not strong.
My love for you will never change, you will see my rainbow through this rain. Your sweet son is safe with me, until we're together eternally.

Thank you Jesus all is well I seem to feel you presence now,
the storm you calmed within my heart.
Should tomorrow it return, I know that you will do your part.
Taking this pain and making me whole,
all I must do is seek you with all of my heart, mind, and soul.
By, Tesha Papik

Saturday, February 18, 2012

My NEW NORMAL


So I was wondering (my family also) when life would get back to normal. I haven't really done the normal stuff since Jonathan went to heaven. What do I mean by normal...cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, all the stuff that fill our daily lives. Sure we have gotten by, I have done the bare minimum. Thank goodness we have an amazing church with a meal ministry. If we didn't I am sure my kids would have eaten pasta every
night (that's all my husband cooks) although he can cook anything.

I know its time to get back to our daily schedule. Well my mind knows it, but I am having trouble convincing my heart. These weeks since we lost Jonathan I have stayed inside, only going where I had to. It has given me time to read, journal, reflect and pray. It has been very sad a some moments, but at others I am thankful for the quietness and rest. One reason I keep putting off getting full swing into life, is the possibility of me having a surgery. Honestly, I know it would be much easier after the surgery if I had caught up before. 



So now I will say the real reason, I don't want  to go on like all is normal and stop thinking about Jonathan. I think of him every minute, I miss him, and I want everyone to know it. If I am back to real life other things will consume me and I don't want my thoughts of him pushed to the back of my mind. Also it is so hard to be around others who don't know what happened. I just want to tell them, "Do you have any idea how much my heart hurts?" My friend who lost a baby said she would stand in the market and feel like screaming."My baby died" That how I feel. Its strange to "go on" after great loss, 
yet I know that's what I must do.


 As I sat in a deli the other day it began to rain, and I began to cry, Why? I don't know, all I know is my heart feels raw and sensitive. My husband, the wise man that he is came up with a solution. Set a date to get back to it all. So last week I said, on Monday I would began my normal life again. Only today we cleaned and prepared the house to get back into our routine, but even though I was doing something I normally do (cleaning) it did not feel normal.


I think I need to realize I have a new normal. Before January 24th I did not have a little baby boy die. I had not held him and felt the great sorrow of losing  my baby. I am different now, life is different now, normal is not the same as it used to be. I believe I am better, closer to Jesus and thankful for my many blessing, aware that life it precious not to be taken for granted. Lord, I need  help to be the wife, mommy, daughter, friend  and christian you want me to be. Thank you that when I am weak you are strong
.Psalm 119:116-117 Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.
Uphold me, and I will be delivered;

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

WHY?

Today we received the call we were waiting for,
 the genetic testing is done.....
They could find nothing wrong with our sweet boy. No explanation for his death will be given. I feel conflicted about their findings. Part of me desperately wanted an answer, like "The baby had this problem and he could not survive".On the flip side, I would not want to know if it was something we could of prevented. I guess this goes back to the feelings of guilt I have experienced over his death. I have asked God repeatedly to TELL me it was not my fault.Yes its true that all the Doctors, my family and friends have said it, but if I could hear it from him I would believe it. I think this is one of those great times of stretching in my faith. I sense the reason God will not impress upon my heart that it was not my fault is, because he wants me to trust him in his sovereign will to take Jonathan to heaven. I should not need an explanation for my pain, shouldn't it be enough that he made a way for me to be with my baby for eternity....... 
Today I am remembering, 
and reflecting on Job questioning God.
 Job 42:(1-6) 1 Then Job replied to the Lord: 2 "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. 3 {You asked,} "Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?" Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. 4{"You said,}Listen now, ans I will speak: I will question you, and you shall answer me." 5 My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. 6 Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.
  • Lord I know you can do everything including saving Jonathan, from anything. If that had been your desired plan. 
  • I known your purpose would be done no matter what I did or said. You are in control. I have questioned your plans for my life when I have no comprehension of the bigger picture, my view is so limited.
  • Now the question is to me, do I believe that God is Good? That he is more wonderful, knowledgeable, awesome, powerful than I can ever imagine?????
  • I have heard of your greatness, now through my trials I am seeing you. Therefore I repent, please forgive me for questioning your perfect sovereign will

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

VALENTINES DAY

It's Valentines DAY! OK, so its pretty late, 
but what a day it has been!
 To start Shayla got dressed up to go to work with Daddy (not really she got dropped off at Mams for a few hours). She was super happy because she got to wear her "Daddy's lil Valentine" shirt, and a fancy skirt. So she and Daddy posed for these amazing pictures!




.The boys had major schoolwork to catch up on and I went on a cleaning streak. Which is AMAZING because I haven't really cleaned in a month, since Jonathan went to heaven. Joseph was more like himself today smiling and happy, although he sleep most of the day. When Daddy and Shayla got home we had a treat, literary lots of candy. 




Then Daddy decided to take the boys to the skate park for an afternoon skate session. To my surprise I heard them pull up only a short time later. I was thinking how SWEET they decided they missed me, it being Valentines and all........WRONG. Little Jimmy broke his collar bone, yes its broke! So Daddy and Jimmy went to the ER for the fifth time in two weeks. That must be some kind of record. So we ended the day with pizza, root-beer and Vicodin. (Just kidding only Jim Jim got the vicodin).

   
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