Sunday, September 30, 2012

Weekend fun!

We had a wonderful weekend surfing, shopping and B-B-Q ing. Church was especially moving for me. We had a communion service and thankfulness just seemed to fill my heart.

The temperature's continue to soar here and we are soaking up the sun and spending lots of time outside.

Daddy playing swords with the boys.
Then he B-B-Q's dinner who could ask for more:)
The boys love to play strategy games like Axis and Allies. Lately they are playing a game released in 1929 called ShamBattle. I love creative play that engages their minds and builds their friendship.
I will praise the name of God with song, And shall magnify Him with thanksgiving.
~Psalm 69:30

Thursday, September 27, 2012

SURFS UP

We have been soooo busy...... SURFING:)! Seriously my boys are so into surfing right now! With the weather in the upper eighty's they have been hitting the beach sometimes twice in one day. This last Saturday Jimmy, Jesse and Daddy participated in a surf contest.

Daddy came in first in his heat. Jimmy came in second in his and Jesse came in third in his. I am a proud mommy and wife!
How I love my surfer boys!


You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.
~Psalm 16:11

Saturday, September 22, 2012

All to soon.

Joseph wanting to be like big brother.
His new word is buba = brother
Enjoying lots of precious moments with my Joseph. I know first hand sweet, squishy little boys turn into big boys all to soon.  
Lord help me to cherish each moment with my children. For moments turn into days and days turn into memories. May I live fully without regrets today and everyday.

You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Selah 
~Psalm 39:5

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Light the night with love

Two wonderful ladies Amanda and Franchesca hosted an event this past Saturday in Texas.They Lit the night with love by releasing beautiful lanterns in honor of babies gone to soon. The lanterns are covered in babies names. I am thrilled that Jonathan was included and I am so thankful for people that go out of their way to honor him and all babies in Heaven.



Details for next year's event can be found at Light the night with love. 


You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

~Psalm 18:28

Monday, September 17, 2012

Because of Baby Brother

We are on day three of a really bad stomach bug. Just when I was fed up and really sick and tired, REALLY! I remembered Jonathan and that I want be thankful for even the extremely difficult parts of mothering my kids.

 Hot tears of frustration warmed my eyes and spilled down my cheeks.  Exhaustion from being sick myself and cleaning up after two kids once again. I loaded the washing machine with the bedding for the seconded time today and heard the sweet voices of Jadon and Shayla saying..."Mommy will you read us a story, pleasssse mommy?" After the mess I just cleaned up all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed.

 It is in moments like this that I realize that Jonathan has really changed me. When I want to say no to a story or get angry because it has been a trying, sick day. It is then I remember..... These little ones are a gift, they are on loan. Not all mother get to mother their children and I am one of them. 

If you ask me of course I would say I would take a hundred sick days with Jonathan just to get to be near him. But will I read a story to my ones that are here after a day like today? Eight months ago I probably would of said, "Not now" I'll admit sometimes I say it still. Tonight however when deep weariness heard that sweet voice it was Jonathan face I saw. The little boy that will never need me to wash his bed because he is sick and read him a story. 

Yet he is here a part of me and us. He influences my thoughts and decision and tonight some happy little people got their story because of baby brother Jonathan.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 
~Psalm 51:10

Friday, September 14, 2012

Shayla Ballerina

Shayla started Ballet class this week. She was beyond thrilled and it was so sweet to see her excitement.
She got a little nervous right before but she had daddy to encourage her.
By the end of class the Ballerina was hooked. Guess what her new favorite question is.....When is ballet class? :)
You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. 
~Song of Solomon 4:7 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

My Heart Box

 I seem to have a box where I keep my sadness over Jonathan. Just like the physical box sitting next to my bed that holds my prize possession of his. I also have an emotional box where my grief lives I guess it's my heart box. 

The first six months I was not good at putting anythings in there. I just let my messy grief spill all over my life. Lately I have learned to hide away the pain and put it in that heart box. I am not sure what is best I know that I need to grieve but I also know I need to live. Honestly when I start thinking about Jonathan sometimes the pain knocks the breath out of me.

Losing him has been the most difficult thing I have experienced. Everyday I think of him and the pain comes and I put it in my heart box. I try to put happy things in there also, like thinking of him playing with Papa and Papaw in Heaven. Sometimes I just want to sit with my heart box and the physical box that holds Jonathan's things and just think of him. Other times I am so angry at those boxes because I don't want to hold a dumb box I want to hold my precious son.

Our physical box that holds Jonathan's items.

One reason I am not as vocal about the pain now, is because it dose not seem acceptable to people that I am still so sad. Last night my husband and I started a Grief Share group. It seems really wonderful and I think it is just what I need at this point. The point where I want to deny and cover up the pain. I felt like last night I got permission to continue to grieve and to receive healing from my Savior.

I will keep my heart box I know that it is needed. When I am in the middle of a school lesson with Jadon and suddenly the tears flash hot in my eyes. I think, I will never teach my Jonathan anything.....It is then that I tuck away those tears into my heart box so I can keep teaching my son that dose need to learn to read and write. 

I guess that heart box was just getting full, I had not tended to it in a while. I had not set with it open at the feet of Jesus and said....."All these things are grieving my heart, help me Lord". I am so thankful that God know what I need and when I need it. I am also thankful that he is not going to let me stuff down my feeling and become bitter and angry. Jesus is helping me to heal like only he can, as one that has suffered and know deep grief as well.

The short but power scripture that gives me permission to grieve.

Jesus wept. 
John 11:35

Monday, September 10, 2012

Home Again.

We just got home after another weekend road trip. My Husbands big Sister got married this weekend so we made the two hour drive to join in the fun. My husband married them and I took A LOT of pictures.

We had a wonderful time visiting with family.
Mam dancing with her sweeties.
Every little girls dream a dance with Daddy :)
Shayla literally danced the night away, this girl was rocking out way past bedtime.

An added bonus was the awesome gigantic swimming pool that we got to enjoy!
And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. 
Hosea 2:19
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