As I reflect on the New Year I can't help but think of this time last year. I remember anticipating 2012 and all that it would bring, specifically a new baby. I wrote this in my journal last New
I am so excited for this new year. I have always wanted back to back to babies and now God has blessed me with the desire of my heart. I am tiered from Christmas but excited for a restful winter and the preparation of our new baby. I feel this sweet little one moving around and how my heart rejoices. This baby was planned by God, chosen for our family at this time. I know God has big plans for this life growing inside of me.
I had no idea last New Years Eve that I would say good by to our son Jonathan. I had no idea that 2012 would be the most difficult year of my life, I had no idea the heart ache it would hold. I also did not know that my faith would be tested and I would come through stronger and more in love with Jesus and my family.
As I reflect on this, I realize I do not know what 2013 holds in store. Will it be a year of rejoicing and joy? In my plans another baby would join our family. However I truly believe that Jesus is the author of life and death and he knows what is best. No matter what happens I know that Jesus will be by my side. I know that I am blessed because of him. He is my all and all and carries me though the darkest storms. Jesus is good even when life is hard!
My dear sweet Jonathan, 2012 will always be your year in my heart. You lived, you were born and you went to Heaven this year. I miss you so much and how I would love to see your big sister holding you and Joseph playing with you. My heart breaks over the absence of you in our family. I close my eyes and picture you in Heaven. I see you there happy, smiling with Papa and Papaw. They love you and are so thankful for you. I imagine you are their special boy, so loved. I feel the whisper of a prayer "Don't cry mommy I am loved, I am happy".
Jesus thank you for this blessed year, it was hard but you were with me. I know you have big plans for our lives and our future. Thank you for the blessing of Jonathan, for his life and all the lessons he has taught us. I love you more everyday you are my wonderful counselor, everlasting father and so mighty to save!
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.