Thursday, January 31, 2013

Overcoming the Spirit of Fear

This week I have been super busy preparing for surgery, scheduled for February 7th. I have know for a while I have a kidney stone. I see a urologist frequently due to a combination of urological problems. My doctor decided it was time to operate to remove the stone so I do not end up with a horrible infection like I did in 2009. I have to admit fear has gripped my heart as I anticipate next week.

When I was five weeks pregnant with Shayla I had a stone stuck that resulted in a kidney infection that leached into my blood stream and was quickly leading to sepsis. I was extremely sick and spent a week in the hospital, I had two surgeries and a stent placement. It was the most physically painful thing I have ever experienced.

I guess knowing what I am in store for is what is really creating fear. I have gone through this before and it was AWFUL I am just hoping that somehow it will be different this time. I had zero tolerance for the stent last time and could not walk until it was out. I will have a stent for a week this time(sigh).

On top of it all this happens at a time when our home is in upheaval because of all the projects we started. I suspect I will be totally out of it for at least a week and not fully recovered for four to six.

I have been so full of fear the last few days.... fearful of being put to sleep, fearful of the pain, fearful of my kids getting cared for, fearful of the added stress it will put on my husband and fearful of the way it will all work out. Just plain fearful. 

These are the scriptures that I am clinging to and whispering to myself several times a day. 

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind
~2 Timothy 1:7

So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 
~Matt 10:31 

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. 
~Joshua 1:9

I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.
~John 14:27

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. 
~Psalm 56:3

Dear Lord, 
Help me to not have the spirit of fear but of POWER and LOVE and a SOUND MIND. I know that I am worth more than many sparrows and that you have commanded me to be COURAGEOUS. I know that I have your gift of peace, help me to rest in it. When I am afraid I WILL put my trust in you my SAVIOR my JESUS.

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you
~ Psalm 91:4-8 
One of my favorite Christmas photos, just because it makes me smile :)


Kristy Quinn said...

Your verses were perfect. I too have struggled with fear recently. It's def. not a God thing. It's miserable. I will pray for you sweet mama. Know that God loves you and will be there with you every step of the way! You exposed your fears and brought them to the light. You did exactly what you should have done. Jesus will give you his peace mama... ask for it and have faith that it will come when you need it most. <3

lots of love to you!!

Angell @ Passionate and Creative Homemaking said...

Oh Tesha...I hate that kind of fear!! The kind that almost cripples you and makes it hard to breathe. I know all about that!

I pray God gives you the comfort you need and I pray for a pain free recovery!!! Keep us posted!

Elizabeth said...

I went through something similar after Jacob was born and you are right...that stent is the worst part!!! Praying it is easier on you this time.

Shauna said...

Praying for you <3 ((Hugs))

Denise said...

Awesome verses.

Dianna Abreu said...

Praying For You And Your Family, The Peace Of The Almighty God Abounded In You. Blessings !

Beth said...

Yes yes yes. Praying all goes well, my friend.

Kallie said...

Oh no, I get kidney stones when I am pregnant. Definitely no fun at all. I'll be praying for a quick recovery for you!

Christine said...

It sounds awful but I will pray the Lord changes the experience this time and that in the end, you will have tears of joy at his power. He is always faithful, always there, but sometimes he adds a miracle in there too. Praying for all of this for you, dear friend!

The Heart's Hunger said...

UGH! so sorry about that kidney stone!!
Blessing to you and blessing in the recovery time:)

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am so sorry to hear about this and your fears. ((HUGS)) I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and God Bless.

Sara said...

I am so glad you posted your surgery date... Now I know to be praying for you... Praying that it goes way better than last time and that you handle the stent and everything that goes with it in a miraculous way... Praying for strength and peace for your heart!

Kim said...

That sounds terrible:( Kidney stones are one of the most painful things to go through. Since it's not emergent, can they do lithotripsy where they use a laser to break up the stone?? I hope it goes much smoother for you this time!

L said...

I have seen my husband suffer through kidney stones, and be hospitalized. Not fun! So I am really sorry you are dealing with them. But you WILL get through this. Jesus will be there with you holding your hand through it all. Isn't that a lovely thought? I am praying that everything will go smoothly and that you will recover quickly!

Payton&Jake's Mommy said...

I am praying for you Tesha. Kidney stones make you miserable, as well as the surgery and stent I know. My mother had a stent placed after kidney stone surgery last summer and was absolutely miserable. All she could do was lay in bed and try not flinch ... hoping things go better for you this time. Your sweet kids and husband will be just fine while your recooperating.

Much love... many prayers and lots of big hugs!!

xoxox Jessica

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