Saturday, April 27, 2013

14 Week Fears

I have battled the spirit of fear this week. I am not sure what happened to spark such all consuming fear?
Maybe hearing the baby's heartbeat last week made this sweet little one so real and so vulnerable to me. I had really bad dreams and did not sleep for three nights in a row. I was pretty convinced the baby had died.

 I called my Dr. Thursday morning, I talked to the nurse and explained things and asked if I could come in for a heartbeat check. She was very cold and uncaring and told me they don't do that and I needed to go to the ER if I thought something was wrong. I asked to have the doctor call me anyways. I was so upset over her attitude and so worked up by the afternoon I was ready to go to the ER. The doctor finally called in the afternoon and said she would see me in the morning.

I was really nervous on my way to the appointment Friday because my husband could not go with me and I thought for sure I would get bad news. The Dr. (the one that delivered Jonathan) was so sweet and understanding. She immediately did the heartbeat check and reassured me the baby's heartbeat was beautiful and perfect!

 I took a sigh of relief and then felt pretty silly for getting so upset. She assured me that everything I am feeling is normal and of coarse I will struggle with fear. She said she would do anything she could to ease my fears and help me cope with being pregnant again. She ordered a bunch of blood test to check some conditions that could of caused Jonathan's death. I thought those test had already been done but apparently some had not. My thyroid test already came back abnormal but they want to do one more recheck next month before starting me on medication.

I asked the Dr about getting a baby heart Doppler and she said she strongly recommend that I did not. She said I would make myself miserable always checking and if I could not find it I would be really scared.

So last night I slept for the first time all week. I don't think the fears will continue, I think it was just an attack on my mind and heart. I know there are many people praying for the baby and me and that God is in control. I am so thankful for all my friends that have supported and encouraged me.


When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. 
~Psalm 56:3 


He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. 
~Psalm 91:4-8 

24 comments:

Gale Fitts said...

I am so glad the doctor called and you got to hear your precious baby's heartbeat. This is a happy time for you. Hugs...

Christine said...

What a wonderful doctor! I am sorry about the crushing fear. Please send me a line when it gets that bad

44us(at)sbcglobal(dot)net

I want to help pray through each specific difficulty. Love to you.

Kindy Belew said...

EEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!
I know I've been out of the loop and a bit preoccupied, but I didn't know!!!! WOW! I'm so excited for you! And will be praying non-stop for you and baby! OK, I'm gonna get caught up now...

The Kimmels said...

Your doctor is right, the fears are totally normal. I have struggled with very similar feelings as well.

I do have a doppler and have loved having it, especially before baby was kicking. I was always able to find the heartbeat and it was a huge reassurance to me. I still get nervous sometimes if I haven't felt him kicking (which is quite rare) but was able to hear his heartbeat and feel better. But yes, there is always that chance that you may not find it...I think if it would make you feel better than go for it. I would even send you mine :)

Prayers for peace and comfort for you, friend!

Nicolene said...

Love you!

Denise said...

Praying for you.

The Heart's Hunger said...

Tesha, I am so glad your doctor is being so kind and willing to help soothe your fears. Me too, I had a nurse that wasn't nice when i was pregnant w/ my daughter.
i am soooooo thankful you were able to go in unscheduled to hear your baby's heartbeat!!!

may His rest on you -the kind and that surpasses all understanding
love, deanna

Andrea said...

You are right! There are many places in the Bible that say do not be afraid. But it is normal, considering what you've been through. You just need reassurance, and the doctor seemed kind and gave it to you. I find alot of times that the doctors are very nice, yet the staff can be terrible, and the doctors probably don't even know how their staff is!

When you pass the month in age that Jonathan passed away, your fears will probably ease up. Until then, your kids will probably keep you busy enough during the day not to worry. I'll pray God takes away your worries so you can have the rest you need.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

How can someone working in the office be so unkind. I hope you shared that with your doctor. I am so glad she had you come in and that all is well. When I read this I thought maybe a doppler would help you but I do understand your doctors point! I will keep you in my prayers.

Kelli Becton said...

I don't blame you one bit for being scared. So glad you know ultimately to rest in Him. Mean nurses are a pet peeve of mine! God bless - can't wait to "meet" your new sweetie :)

Christina said...

Oh MY GOODNESS! First off, I haven't read your blog in months. I have taken a hiatus from blogging and reading blogs. I see your pregnancy as a miracle. I have been told a few times that if God wants you to have a baby, HE will provide you with a baby in HIS time (no matter what you are trying or not trying to do in the fertility area). Praise the Lord!
I am so sorry for your fears (VERY understandable). Looking from the long distance I can see how God wants your complete trust in HIM.
My husband and I are visiting in San Diego. I wanted to visit your church, but it was a little too far away.
Congratulations! So fabulous to hear what God has done. I too will pray for you and your family.
Christina

Sara said...

Tesha, All that you are feeling is so normal and so hard at times! I am praying for you friend that the Lord would ease your fears and comfort your heart! I did have a fetal doppler. There is a place called tiny heartbeats (google it) that rents dopplers for free if you have had a loss... IT was A HUGE blessing for me when I was pregnant with Levi after Samuel! But do whatever you feel is right...He wasn't a big mover and actually after 15 weeks I could always find his heartbeat! Praying in earnest for you friend!
Sara

Pamela said...

I'm so happy the doctor responded in complete contrast to the nurse. I babysat a friend's child for a while after Sarah died. I made myself miserable checking on her every nap time. I'd get this strong urge telling me if I didn't check she'd die. I was sure I smelled fire. Miserable! Guess we both were thinking about fear this week.

L said...

Oh that is just awful about the nurse. I am so thankful your doctor is supportive. You need that. You will find your emotions to be a real roller coaster. But oh Tesha, how you will praise God when you hold your new baby in your arms. And how it will make you miss Jonathan all over again. But the new baby will bring much healing. I am praying for you! - Lisa

momstheword said...

Well I certainly hope that the doctor had a talk with her nurse!

Sometimes the lack of empathy people have is amazing.

I know it's not a good idea but when I'd get nervous I would have a cookie and then wait for the baby to move, lol!

Except one time he didn't move and it just freaked me out and I had to pray. But the Lord helped me to trust Him and eventually I felt him move again.

Glad you were able to get some sleep!

Praying for a better week!

Also, just a reminder that "Making Your Home Sing Monday" linky party is live and ready for your posts!

Kallie said...

I'm sorry to hear about the rude nurse, you dont deserve that! I'm glad to hear that baby is okay. My prayers are with you that your fears are calmed!

Naomi@What Joy Is Mine said...

Tesha sweet friend...God is so good to give you a compassionate doctor to understand your fears. He knows what path you have walked and has given reassurance. I am praying for you, your baby and the pregnancy. God bless you.

Piece-of-Cake Parent said...

It must have been such a time for you, sorry you have been going through this. It's horrible when a health care provider is cold and uncaring. I'm so happy you had a reassuring heartbeat to listen to!

brigette said...

I totally understand your fears. They are real and the nurse should understand. Im sorry they didnt but am so glad your doctor was so nice about it. I am keeping you and that sweet baby in my prayers. Big hugs to you mama!

~Nicole~ said...

Oh Tesha, I know your anxieties, and they are very real. I'm so glad you got to hear your precious little one's heart beat... such a blessing. Thinking of you.

Diane said...

I have been thinking about you, and am so pleased to see that you got to hear the heartbeat. What a sweet sound. God has you in the palm of His hands, and I pray you would find His perfect peace. 14 weeks!!! Yahoo!!!!

Allison said...

Praying daily for you and your sweet baby!

jenn said...

Congrats!! I will be praying for you and your sweet baby!! :)

Allison Renee said...

Tesha,

I haven't been blogging for a while but stopped by today and saw this post. I know what you are going through and will be praying for you. After my last miscarriage, God blessed our family with little Timmy who is 3 months old today:) Praying for a peaceful, healthy pregnancy, delivery, and recovery!
Blessings,
Allison

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