Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Sweetest Sound

Yesterday was my Doctors appointment- fear crept in the night before and sleep eluded me. I keep wondering, will I hear the sound of this baby's heart? Will I face the excruciating words, "I am sorry there is no heartbeat" again? 

 I arrived at the doctor and tried to keep my thoughts busy. As the Doctor went through a million questions I tried not to let my eyes linger on the machine that would tell the fate of my baby. She explained what she would be doing during the appointment ....she didn't say listing to the heartbeat. She knew about Jonathan she had already ask what happened...."No heartbeat", I had replied.

I gulped, I am sure my voice was shaking...."Can we listen to the baby's heartbeat"? A look of compassion filled her eyes, for a brief moment it seemed she felt my pain. "Of course we will listen right now". she said

Cold jelly on my tummy

A gentle hand

A big gulp

the SWEETEST sound. Our baby's beating heart

A few tears escaped my eyes with a smile

Deep breath

 a whispered prayer of thanks

Driving home I wonder how many times I have heard a babies heart beating in my belly?....MANY, to many to count or remember. Even Jonathan, I had many appointments where we listened to his heartbeat. I saw his heart beating on the ultrasound several times. Did I marvel at the miracle? I am not sure. Yes it made me happy, I loved it, but did fully understand the ramification that the sound had? Life and death. Don't hearts just beat, mine does, my children's do, 
everyday all day long. 

When I got home I pulled out my pregnancy journals. I wanted to read what I said about hearing the heartbeat of my babies. Over and over I read....."We heard the heartbeat" Simple words. They seem to say, well of coarse I heard the babies heart, I'm pregnant. They were  naive words that had never tasted the pain and sorrow of holding a son whose heart had stopped beating.

Oh Lord where else am I blind, what other wonders around me do I take for granted? We are not promised a beating heart or that our loved ones heart will beat tomorrow. I want everyday to be filled with the wonder and joy over the sound of beating hearts. I want the sound of my children's hearts to sing in my head, the wonder of their life. Not the tune of just another ordinary, mundane day with so much to do.

Why dose it so often take tragedy to open our eyes to the everyday beauty of LIFE? Why did it take a son with no heartbeat to cause me to really MARVEL over a tiny beating heart?

Lord forgive me for ALL I take for granted, help me to fully live in awe and wonder of this  adventure and all the beautiful beating hearts around me. 

Photo credit

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
John 10:10


brigette said...

Hooray! !! I'm so happy for you!! I agree with my whole heart with you though all the things I took for granted before I try my best to not now. Thank you for the reminder! !!

Hillary said...

Praise God! Those heartbeats are the most beautiful sound that a momma can ever hear! I'm so excited that that was your blessing for today!


Priscilla M said...

I understand all too well the fear that creeps in before the doctors appointment. Hearing the heartbeat of the unborn child will always bring a sigh of relief from a mom who has grieved before. Praise the Lord for the good visit! Here is my story:


Kathy said...

Praise Jesus! I'm am so happy to hear about your appointment and that you heard your baby's sweet heartbeat! So wonderful :)

Leanne said...

Tesha, I'm also breathing a huge sigh of relief for you!

And I also had tears in my eyes!!

Praise God. Your words were beautiful in this post. And I want to be able to have a heart that can see wonders and miracles. Thanks for reminding me to look.


Andrea said...

Very exciting! That is such a good reflection of being grateful to God. I think each night I will contemplate what happened during my day and how Divine Providence took care of me.

Your little baby is so cozy inside and doesn't even realize how much he/she is loved and awaited for.

Denise said...

Such a treasured moment.

Beth Morey said...

Wonderful, wonderful news!

I learned how to cherish these amazing miracles the hard way, too. It's okay that we were naive, I think. But I'm grateful Jonathan and Eve have taught us a better way.

L said...

I always wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat first with Solomon, so I understand! It will be such a blessing when your new baby is moving around and you can feel the baby. So reassuring! I panicked before the ultrasound too. Having experienced loss, then a pregnancy - we feel - and appreciate! - everything differently. Hugs!

Gale Fitts said...

I am so happy for you to hear the heartbeat! It is a precious gift to hear it! After losing the heartbeat of my first child, I did just wept with joy when I heard the others. Also, those words, your baby is growing! I can remember hearing those words like yesterday, so I can really feel your joy! It is infectious, Tesha. You bring joy and remind us when you tell yours! So thank you for sharing! God bless your family!

Kallie said...

Its such a blessing to hear that little heartbeat! Its just amazing! It really is something that can be taken for granted but I'm so happy that everything is going well in your pregnancy!

Christine said...

That fear never went away for me, even when I felt the baby moving right before they prepared my belly to hear. Once you hear "I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat" you are never the same. As much as it was a horrible experience, I see, like you do, that it makes us more aware of and thankful for the miracle of life. I would never say to a newly grieving mom that someday the not hearing will be like a gift, but it is true.

This is one of your most beautiful posts and I feel it was God talking to us. Love to you dear friend!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am so happy for you! I continue to pray for your little one each day.

momstheword said...

Those "I'm sorry but I don't hear the heartbeat" words are just such a shock and words you never want to hear.

You walk into the room happy and excited and leave sad and grieving.

I am so glad that you were able to hear that precious sound! But you're right, we need to celebrate those heartbeats of those we love every day!

When we get to heaven someday our little ones will be there to greet us. What a joyous reunion that will be! :)

Also, just wanted you to know that the "Making Your Home Sing Monday" linky party is up and ready for you to link up your posts this week.

The Heart's Hunger said...

So happy for you!!! I remember hearing my babies heartbeats!! Such a joyous moment every time.

Blessings, Deanna

Alecia Simersky said...

Congrats! I'm so happy for you!

Naomi@What Joy Is Mine said...

Tesha wonderful! God is good.

Missy Parris said...

what a special time for you. I know that sometimes I took those appointments for granted in the past. I'm so happy for you, blessings, Missy

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