Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Risk Of Grief We'll Run

There seems to be many sad sad circumstance in the lives of people I know lately. My girlfriends sister just said goodbye to her baby girl, that she delivered at 19 and half weeks. Of coarse she has been on my mind in my prayers a LOT.

Also a few weeks ago tragedy struck home at our mother church. One of our pioneer pastors (located in Guatemala) lost his brother very suddenly in an automobile accident. The young (23) man's family are faithful members of the church also. I was heartbroken to hear this sad news and my heart and prayers have been with them for many days. They have been a testimony of leaning on God and finding strength in him through this dark time. I can not fathom the pain and sadness of this precious family right now, but I can pray. Sometimes it's just, "Lord help them". I know that many people have prayed for me this way and I am so thankful that I belong to a church family that prays!

There were moments I was so fearful during my pregnancy with Julian. I thought I could not survive saying goodbye to another baby boy. But in truth his birth has not freed me from the prospect of heartache nor dispelled all the fears. Sometimes as I cuddle him fear will try to creep in and reminded me how very fragile life is.

As a mommy I will always want the best for Julian, as I do all my children. I hope God's best is a LONG, happy life. My pastor (Pastor Rob) often says, "The worst thing that can really happen to a Christian, is the best!" I have honestly never really like that statement, until recently when he said it. All of the sudden I pictured Jonathan in Heaven smiling, laughing and playing. Peace filled my heart and the revelation was understood, truly the worst thing that we think can happen, is the best thing!  I was recently reminded that even Mary, a woman to be called blessed for all generations suffered the grief of losing her precious son, even witnessing his death. Yet the worst thing that happened (Jesus's death) was really the best thing for all of humanity!

I feel so blessed that the Lord has "lent" these children to me. The grief of an early goodbye was worth my son in Heaven and the fear of future loss. In this life we are not promised another day. As a dear friend recently said "It is like we are all on the edge of disaster"'s true. Life is fragile and trusting God can be scary. I am so thankful that Jesus is a redeemer and restores. I am so thankful that He is keenly aware of every tear that falls and will one day right every wrong. I am so thankful  that someday there will be no more death or mourning, crying or pain.

My sweet blogging friend shared this poem on her blog a while back It brought tears to my eyes and raised a little fear in my heart. It is such a scary thing to trust God not only with our life but the lives of our children as well. How reassuring to know that God is faithful to carry us through the darkest trail even the valley of the shadow of death.

A Child of Mine, Edgar Albert Guest 

I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives, 
And mourn for when he's dead. 
It may be six or seven years, 
Or twenty-two or three. 
But will you, till I call him back, 
Take care of him for Me? 
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, 
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories, 
As solace for your grief. 
I cannot promise he will stay, 
Since all from earth return. 
But there are lessons taught down there, 
I want this child to learn. 
I've looked the wide world over, 
In search for teachers true. 
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, 
I have selected you. 
Now will you give him all your love, 
Nor think the labour vain. 
Nor hate me when I come 
To take him home again? 
I fancied that I heard them say, 
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!' 
For all the joys Thy child shall bring, 
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, 
We'll love him while we may, 
And for the happiness we've known, 
Forever grateful stay. 
But should the angels call for him, 
Much sooner than we've planned. 
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, 
And try to understand.

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?
Psalm 56:8

and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away
Revelation 21:4


L said...

That poem put tears in my eyes too. It can be hard to make fears go away. I was terrified the first time Solomon got sick. Your post also made me think that sometimes when we pray for God to heal someone - His answer is to bring them home. Then they are healed and perfect and with him. God bless you Tesha!

Christine said...

I think once you lose a child, the fear is always there, along side the trust that God will see you through. It is like a loss of innocence, in a way. Such a heartfelt, lovely post, Tesha. And I love that poem!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

The poem is wonderful, thank you for sharing it.

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