This week I have been super busy preparing for surgery, scheduled for February 7th. I have know for a while I have a kidney stone. I see a urologist frequently due to a combination of urological problems. My doctor decided it was time to operate to remove the stone so I do not end up with a horrible infection like I did in 2009. I have to admit fear has gripped my heart as I anticipate next week.
When I was five weeks pregnant with Shayla I had a stone stuck that resulted in a kidney infection that leached into my blood stream and was quickly leading to sepsis. I was extremely sick and spent a week in the hospital, I had two surgeries and a stent placement. It was the most physically painful thing I have ever experienced.
I guess knowing what I am in store for is what is really creating fear. I have gone through this before and it was AWFUL I am just hoping that somehow it will be different this time. I had zero tolerance for the stent last time and could not walk until it was out. I will have a stent for a week this time(sigh).
On top of it all this happens at a time when our home is in upheaval because of all the projects we started. I suspect I will be totally out of it for at least a week and not fully recovered for four to six.
I have been so full of fear the last few days.... fearful of being put to sleep, fearful of the pain, fearful of my kids getting cared for, fearful of the added stress it will put on my husband and fearful of the way it will all work out. Just plain fearful.
These are the scriptures that I am clinging to and whispering to myself several times a day.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind
~2 Timothy 1:7
So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
Help me to not have the spirit of fear but of POWER and LOVE and a SOUND MIND. I know that I am worth more than many sparrows and that you have commanded me to be COURAGEOUS. I know that I have your gift of peace, help me to rest in it. When I am afraid I WILL put my trust in you my SAVIOR my JESUS.
He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you
~ Psalm 91:4-8
~ Psalm 91:4-8
One of my favorite Christmas photos, just because it makes me smile :)