I think of you every day and miss you. Not in sad dark thoughts that assaulted me the first year but in a very loving and peaceful way. Every now and then grief will stab at my heart and take my breath away but I have made a commitment to myself that your life will be honored and I know that thankfulness is how I must honor you. So I do my best to live each day and take each though captive and make it obedient to Christ. For me that means sometimes I have to get out of bed in the middle of the night and read my Bible because often it is in the darkness that I miss you most.
I know that if I do not guard my mind my emotions can spiral out of control quickly. I choose to think of those thing that are true, pure, lovely and worthy of praise. It is true that I gave birth to a sweet little boy two years ago today. It is true that you changed my life and heart forever, that your birth took me on a journey to knowing my Jesus even more. It is lovely that I have beautiful pictures to remember you by. It is lovely that your life caused our family to grow and made beauty from ashes. It is pure that God gives comfort to my heart. I Praise the name of Jesus that he has offered so much hope, healing and the marvelous promise of Heaven where I will see you again!
I often have special moments thinking of you and praising God for you when I get dressed. Your picture is in your special place near my closet, it helps me start the day right by looking at it. I feel a surge of gratitude and a focus on eternity when I see your little face. Yes also a sting of sadness but it is a good reminder that this is not my home, my heart was made for an eternity with my Jesus.
Having your baby brother Julian has been such a comfort to me. Jesus has brought healing to my heart in so many ways through him. I love that he has your name, I love that forever I will get to share a little bit of you when I tell people his name. I love that he will grow up knowing that he is blessed to be named after his big brother.
I imagine you in Heaven today playing with Papa and Papaw. I know that it is beautiful and you are so happy. I know that one day we will all be there with you and be together forever. I have lots of work to still do here, raising, training and teaching your brothers and sister. The most important lesson is found in you life-- that all that really matters is eternity! This world is passing away and we have to love God and each other. We have to remain focused and watchful and take as many people with us to Heaven as possible.
We will celebrate and honor you today. Not in elaborate ways, but with simple and thankful hearts. We will have a cake and send some balloons to heaven. We will watch your video and look at your pictures, we will talk about you and remember you. But the greatest love I can give you and the best way to honor you is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and love those around me.
My precious baby boy I love you dearly. As the years pass I am not further away from you but closer to you, for Heaven draws near with each passing day and with it the promise to see you again.
Happy Birthday sweet little boy!
Your always in my heart, Your Loving Mommy
Surely He hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.