Monday, March 3, 2014

A Hungry Heart

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God
Psalms 42:2

Lately my heart has been hungry, My soul thirst for my father Jesus. I'm not satisfied with the status quo I want to press in, go deeper. I want to know him more, I want to be filled by him! I loved that the Bible says he satisfies the hungry.


Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst.
John 6:35


I'm not sure where this hunger has come from? Maybe because I am reading an inspiring book, The Explicit Gospel. Maybe it's because I am so aware of my weakness and my desperate need for God. Maybe it's just the grace of God...because even our desire for God comes from God.


Worry, anxiety and guilt have weighted heavy on my heart lately. Sleepless nights have left me weary but I can't exactly pinpoint what is bothering me. 


I think part of it is an attack because we are stepping out in faith in different areas, specifically with the church. Another part is a feeling of weight from perfectionism. When I fail at homeschooling, mothering or anything else I get a bad case of mommy guilt. Thats why I recently wrote about enjoying every moment...because I have not been. 
So much guilt.

I also struggle with loneliness which is strange because I am NEVER alone. I think loneliness is often our hearts desire for fellowship with God. Thats why we can be surrounded by others, yet feel utterly Lonely. During the day I am so busy these thoughts don't really bother me, oh but in the darkness of night how my heart aches.


At night my soul longs for You, Indeed, my spirit within me seeks You diligently;
Isaiah 26:9


All these trials are really a blessing, because the push me to Jesus. They make me aware of how small I am and how much I need a Savior. Often I am praying in the middle of the night, sometimes prayer will not break the spirit of anxiety and I will get up to read my Bible. These sleepless nights drive me to my knees and make me desperate for God. I love the song Blessings...the line that says "What if a thousand sleepless nights, Are what it takes to know You're near" What if restlessness is what it takes to make me hungry for Jesus?


My sleeplessness never results in despair, God always comes through! Even the next day when I should be to tired to function he give me supernatural strength.


He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Isaiah 40:29


I am thankful that I need God, that he draws me to himself and puts a hunger in my heart that only he can fill. Even if it means my nights are not filled with sleep but with a hunger and thirst for him. Jesus is so faithful and I will fight to draw near to him.

 You are so good God to give scriptures that perfectly describe my heart.

“O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me” 
~Psalm 63:1-8


9 comments:

Pink Slippers said...

I can totally relate to this post. Sometimes the reality of loneliness comes so strong it makes me feel so sad. And then, I want Jesus so much more.

Denise said...

Praying for you dear.

Deanna said...

Bless you Tesha:) God's peace, and His strength of joy be yours. I hope at nights you'll be able to sleep better- lack of sleep is hard for anybody but especially for a mommy.

Gale Fitts said...

I loved you in this post Tessa. I was spoken to.

L said...

What a great post. I struggle with many of the same things. Thank you for the reminder to turn to Jesus!

Christine said...

Beautifully said. I think the pressure to be perfect causes the loneliness in our hearts. Maybe not for men, but definitely for women, who have more roles. Remember that we are not responsible for outcomes. Just for following Him. Praying peace over you right now, and rejoicing that He meets you there in that lonely spot and fills it.

Jessica said...

I can relate to so much of this! I so much want to be filled with Jesus, and I'm so thankful that He never leaves us no matter how anxious or weary we get.

Thanks for sharing, this was very encouraging! :)

Debby@Just Breathe said...

John 6:35, what a wonderful verse. Just what I needed today. Thank you for this post.

Diane said...

I really like the scriptures you chose. Through your words, I can see your love for Jesus is strong. He is so very faithful to meet you where you are most vulnerable. God Bless you, friend. :)Diane

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