Friday, April 3, 2015

Green Pastures and Secluded Beaches

A couple of weeks ago I had a 'little' mommy life crisis. I was feeling worn out and really exhausted...I was sick of doing the same chores EVERYDAY, picking up the same toys, folding the same clothes, changing the same diapers and on and on and on I could go. I was beginning to wonder if this was really what I wanted to do with my life. I even ask my husband if I was the one who wanted ALL these kids? He laughed and said, "Yep, we have them because it's what you wanted." I knew he was right, I have always wanted a big family and if you ask me on the right day I will tell you I want another baby:) But It was just one of those hormone induced weary weeks.

I was complaining and frustrated and fed up. I also felt really guilty because I know how blessed I am to have all my kids and that so many women want what I have. I have to say feeling guilty did not knock me out of my crisis though, it just made me feel worse. I tried to be thankful but I just seemed to keep focusing on how HARD my life was...You know so much more difficult than my friends or other women my age. Comparison is a dangerous street to walk down, one filled with lies and deceit. Truly their pastures are not greener and their beaches are just as crowded as mine.

After a few days of wallowing in misery I was starting to feel bitter and I knew I need revelation. I prayed that God would give me a word or a scripture to speak to me. I have been reading Psalms daily and that days chapter was 23. I have read and used this scripture many times because it talks about the valley of the shadow of death but on this day it spoke to me in a new and profound way that set me free from all my mommy misery.

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Psalm 23 1-3

After reading this I was immediately convicted and I saw my problem....WANT!

I replayed my recent rants

I WANT free time!

I WANT the kids to pick up their mess!

I WANT a bigger house!

I WANT to go to the bathroom without someone screaming MOMMEEE at the door!

I WANT more help around the house!


I WANT to go away to a romantic secluded beach with just my husband!

I WANT to walk through the kitchen without stepping on cereal!

I WANT a machine that folds clothes and puts them away!

I WANT to make it through one month without someone being sick, again!

I WANT to be all alone for just one day!

I WANT someone else to do all the work I do and see if they're still smiling at the end of the day!

I could keep going but you get the idea;)

I knew I needed to stop the cycle of want. 
The beauty of this verse is it's not just a command to not want but the promise that follows! He shall make me lie down in green pastures, He shall lead me beside still waters, He shall restore my soul....and of course that is what I really want, peace, rest and joy.

I suddenly felt great relief.... I do not have to do anything except not want. I can trust Jesus that he will lead me to a place of refreshing, He will restore me!

The Pastor of my mother church, Pastor Rob teaches a mommy class that I attend. He recently showed us a Time magazine cover from 2013 titled "The Child Free Life" "When having it all means not having children" He talked to us about the lie of our times that we are up against, the one that says you deserve it all and you can't have that life with a bunch of kids. That lie bombards us subtly and boldly in so many ways. It leaves mommies feeling more exhausted and that we are missing out on the "good life". But you know what, it is a LIE ...The best life you can live is the one God created you for and He created me to be a mommy of many!

I love the advice Pastor Rob often gives..."To enjoy life with your children, to laugh and have fun with them"!

His words remind me to cherish the small moments and to smile often. Laughter cures a multitude of troubles and it gets me through the hard days. Sometime I just have to drop the laundry basket crank the music up and dance around the house with the little kids laughing and screaming, the teenagers may roll their eyes but I can see the smile on their lips. Sometimes I have to say forget the chores lets go get ice cream. Sometimes I have to ignore the mess and go jump on the trampoline. Sometime I have to tickle fight with my teen boys knowing I'm going to lose. Sometimes I have to sink my feet deep in the warm sand and forget all the work that is waiting at home. Sometimes I have to let go of my 'to do' list and just live in the beautiful, fleeting moment of now.

My cure for wanting is enjoying what I have right now and trusting God that he will give me all I need and more!

My job is easy I shall not want, God will take care of the green pastures, still waters and the romantic secluded beaches:)

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11


Allison said...

Great post, I often need this reminder!

Christine said...

There's nothing like the repetitiveness of chores and clean ups! I too fight these feelings mostly when under a hormonal cloud. Praise God for his grace and the beautiful, healing words in the Bible. Just so blessed to read how the Lord ministered to you! You are beautiful and a wonderful Momma!

I must have missed it but did your mother-in-love move away? I haven't seen her in a while in your pics. I pray someone will be there for you when you need a break, Tesha. I too have no one available and it does get very, very difficult, though I love being a mom and would like to have more babies even, if not for the impending 50 and already looking like a grandma to my six year old. :)

Sara said...

We are so alike Tesha in so many ways... Thank you for the precious reminder of what a blessing our kids are... Every toy we pick up, every boo boo kissed is such a gift... I know we both KNOW that full well! Praying for you!

Lisa said...

I totally identify with what you wrote. I had to smile at the going to the bathroom without someone banging on the door - MOM!!!! I know that one too well! Your post reminds me of a sermon I heard recently. Our pastor was talking about anger and said that the root of anger is almost always ingratitude. Ouch. That is so true. Our own selfishness makes life so hard!

Leanne said...

Thank you, my friend, for being so honest. It's one of the things that makes me love your blogs so much and to look forward to maybe someday meeting you in person.

Thank you for the encouragement of this post.

I could say so much more, but I think you know my heart.

Keep your eyes fixed on the hills, from where your Help comes!!


Debby@Just Breathe said...

Thank you. I have said that bible verse so many times in my life. It is one of the few that I know by heart and this is probably the first time I actually got the "I Shall Not Want" which brought me to tears. I always want! I'm thankful that Pastor Rob helps you to find your way.....

J Howard said...

Oh friend! We all have those days!!! Here's praying it gets infinitely better!

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