Tuesday, June 21, 2016


Every evening since I have have been in Tennessee I go for a walk up the road to my Mamaw's Church. I walk around the cemetery where my Papaw is buried, it's a beautiful and peaceful walk and I use the time to think and pray.

The other day this sweet little grave captured my attention the date is 1956 and yet there are still pink flowers carefully arranged on it. Someone regularly attends this little grave and while the baby is not named here I am sure she has one. She left such a mark on this world that someone still comes here to her grave and leaves pink flowers. Someone still thinks of her and probably sheds a tear for her. Maybe it's her mother that birthed her all those years ago or maybe it is a sibling that remembers the pain and the love that mother had for the little girl that's life was brief. 

This week has been so very sad for me because my sister, that I love dearly delivered her stillborn baby girl. I have felt my heart break so many times knowing the pain that she and her family are in, a pain that I know all too well.

It's amazing to me how baby loss and stillbirth is still such a taboo subject even in 2016. People just don't know what to say to those that are hurting and grieving the loss of the baby. It's almost like they think if they say nothing they will keep the mother from thinking of her baby, which is so silly our babies are always on our minds. Even now four years after Jonathan died I still think of him every single day and I'm always looking for a reason to talk about him. 

I know we have come a long way in the last 60 years in helping mothers grieve the loss of their babies. I know in older days many mothers cradled their infants in there arms that had gone to heaven and had no support at all. 

But Still... There is a painful silence that surrounds the death of a baby. Still people struggle with what to say ...Still mamas feel isolated and alone in their grief... Still there is a loneliness of heart and deep shame surrounding stillbirth.

How can we break the silence and help families to talk about their grief? How can we embrace those that are hurt and heartbroken? How can we make a difference in someones world that is is hurting? 

Really it's quite simple, say something. Don't let the fear of saying the wrong thing keep you from saying something. The best thing is probably I'm sorry, I love you and I'm praying for you or your baby (say their name) was special, important and loved. I promise whatever your feeble attempts are they will be appreciated. I remember every text and every person that called when I was grieving Jonathan. I remember those that turned their head in awkward silence and looked the other way. Sadly I remember the harsh comments that broke my heart. Still I appreciated those that tried even when they said the wrong thing.

Someone still puts pink flowers on the little grave at the top of the hill. I still think of Jonathan everyday. The stillness of their birth does not change the love that will forever be in our hearts for our  babies. They are worth loving, remembering and grieving. They are still our precious, dearly loved children.

The sky was painted beautifully for my nieces birthday and it was a sweet reminder to me that God will bring beauty from all this pain

it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.
Matthew 18:14

...you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you 
Isaiah 43:4 

Sometimes love is for a moment

Sometimes love is for a lifetime

Sometimes a moment is a lifetime

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Yes! It bothers me immensely that people don't want to talk about this. That's why you and I and other parents that have lost babies need to share things like this and be vocal about it. (There's always those people that will tell us we need to "get over it" - I can't decide if they really are totally just clueless/selfish or if they are just so uncomfortable thinking about it.)

The cemetery Lilly is buried at dates back to the 1800s and there are a number of graves marked simply "baby." It bothers my kids (and me) that the babies were not given names. But maybe the parents did name them after burial?

The photos of the church with the brilliant sky behind it are gorgeous! I'm glad you are enjoying your annual trip to Tennessee. :)

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